life is a four-letter-word

almost 17 years after

2011-07-29T10:51:00.004+08:00

we ran out of ideas on how to channel our energies. and this was the best solution we could think of at the time.

2011 - believe no nostradamus

2011-01-04T08:42:00.006+08:00

until it was finally missing its lower half that i managed to capture and immortalize the image of this, legendary, t-shirt. 2011-1998=13. thirteen freakin years after?! we human only treasure something when it's gone, or lost, or when it's already too late ya.

salam maal hijrah and happy new greg year to all of us. we'll be 30 this year and on the first week of 2011, i'm urging myself and all of us to stay healthy. eat well, sleep well, exercise regularly, consume more water and stay in good shape. the japs can live past 100 by leading a very healthy lifestyle in a very clean environment, we sure can too.

less talking, more money-making but pursue a realistic goal. love your significant other, family and friends and people around you. after all, you are the company that you keep.

just be yourself. read : be true to yourself.

seeking purity is a lifelong journey

2010-09-27T10:56:00.007+08:00

Life 101 - Chapter III - Forgiveness
and when another ramadhan comes, it always will appear to be the right time for an assessment. assessment to identify and evaluate whether or not our actions and/or words were a tad too generic and a mere play-it-safe so that it will sound socially-acceptable to the audience.
or could we have crossed some lines again just to finally say that we were just trying to "be ourselves"?.

one can't simply get away with saying "i'm sorry" or "i wasn't thinking right" or other comforting excuses alike when the damage is done, can we? still, let us all offer forgiveness and bury the hatchet. and one shall live longer for the burden is no longer sitting on one's exhausted shoulder. nobody said about forgetting anything.

cont'd.
i don't always "read", let alone having a series of drafts, whatever i have written in this blog or anywhere. of late, i couldn't resist the temptation of not writing anything at all. it was neither right nor wrong but i just don't feel like it.

there is a certain disadvantage of having no drafts or proof-reading. sub-consciously, i could have frustrated, if not angered someone with something i wrote or did.

on a more serious note, i think there is a need to un-complicate matters. there is an urgent need to remove or cushion my choice of words. of course, especially those with negative connotations as it always has been. most close friends would know how at times i could be your much-hated sarcastic bastard and self-centered and almost heartless.

so now i'm taking this not-so-rare-opportunity-actually to seek forgiveness, renew old ties and reconcile severed relationships (the latter i'm very sure hasn't happened yet) with all of my friends.

dear friends, please forgive me. selamat hari raya aidilfitri.

good music won't make you sick

2010-07-20T13:30:00.002+08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GZvbVtkPiHU&feature=related

jas >>> we did the same thing at rainforest years ago huh...haha..

discard the birthday card

2010-04-09T17:18:00.006+08:00

the present i got myself for my birthday this year, the only present i have ever got myself actually, is the house keys. the keys were scheduled for weeks ago but due to some technicalities, i was only privileged with holding it for the first time yesterday. technicalities. i kind of like that word. even for the dumbest reason on the face of the dying planet, the word could save you, and your face as you get to walk away sounding substantially intelligent whilst successfully ruining someone else's plans or whatever.

the 29th birthday is just like the 28th and the year before that. and the year before that was something i'm not used to having it plastered on the walls of my mind.

wishes? i can't really say i do have any. but long story short, the keys made my day. the keys are the reason. and the keys are the beginning of something that has everything to do with being 29.

as hope is always a good thing, i do hope in the months to come that these keys will open up doors. not just the house doors but doors to endless opportunities and happiness and all the good things in the whole wide world.

break on through to the other side - jim morrison, the doors.

Lido Beach, JB & Seattle, WA

2010-04-05T16:36:00.004+08:00

this day in 1994, Kurt Cobain shot himself. when found three days later, he was wearing a pair of blue Converse One Star. that point aside, he was my hero and still is. and later in 2002, this very day the same world just couldn't be bothered with the death of Layne Staley, another hero of mine. hailed also from Seattle and fronted one of the biggest bands ever, , Alice In Chains (AIC), he had this unique style of singing and a distinctive voice alongside Eddie Vedder and Chris Cornell. Layne Staley will always be remembered as one of the spokespersons of our generation.

i first heard "nutshell" from AIC via a true-blue fan and i was totally hooked. maybe teenage angst and rebellious nature were the dominant parts of everyone's lives during that time. like Kurt Cobain used to say when asked about depression and gloomy state of mind, "All of us thought we were going to die in a nuclear war or something".

we were pretty much occupied (or chose to be) with the sound of Seattle in the early 90's and the alternative music towards the end of that celebrated era.

i think Scott Weiland of Stone Temple Pilots once admitted having no superhero of choice. Instead he said, rock stars are our superheroes.

we will listen to the music, trying to dwell in the imaginary world where we believe we could fit in perfectly whilst finding solace in solitude. very true indeed. well, at least for me. it is raining again here in JB and i'm spending my afternoon paying tribute to both.

Q1FY10

2010-03-24T10:44:00.003+08:00

congratulations to Insp Suhaimi. it was a very beautiful saturday man. now that you are officially married, we shall have "TAKEN" banner posted on your page. and we shall also make ready the same for Jas and Shiz and err, Mr Khai?

the much-anticipated economic model from present PM's admin will be tabled soon (or did i miss it?). i don't really know what to expect out of it, except that it would perhaps in many possible ways aid me in acquiring a bmw 318ci. or an audi A4 turbo. that will be good too. (man, check out the A5 coupe, i'm literally drooling now!)

i'm not a male chauvinistic but on International Women's day every year, the issue of gender equality being brought up like the world as we know it will end without. it is not a bad thing still but who am i to question? maybe the reunion of spice girls has a lot of things to do with the comeback of "girl power" ideology. spicy!

Pos Malaysia Bhd is currently offering a rather interesting alternative to dispose your awkwardly-posed photos. you'll get like two dozens of your own stamps if i'm not mistaken for the price of twenty bucks. Mr and Miss Photogenic, get yourself in standby mode.

saw a banner which says "5oth Anniversary of SSI". in my whole five years and three months (i was doing lower six, during which many thought i have overstayed my welcome) there, frankly, i didn't even know that the school has existed since 1960. the beloved SSI (read : memorable experience) is half-century old my dear friends. are we celebrating Mr Khai?

angels or devils?

2010-02-05T09:20:00.000+08:00

"Angels Or Devils"

this is the last time
that I'm ever gonna come here tonight
this is the last time - I will fall
into a place that fails us all - inside

I can see the pain in you
I can see the love in you
but fighting all the demons will take time
it will take time

the angels they burn inside for us
are we ever
are we ever gonna learn to fly
the devils they burn inside of us
are we ever gonna come back down
come around
I'm always gonna worry about the things that could make us cold

this is the last time
that I'm ever gonna give in tonight
are there angels or devils crawling here?
I just want to know what blurs and what is clear - to see

still I can see the pain in you
and I can see the love in you
and fighting all the demons will take time
it will take time

the angels they burn inside for us
are we ever
are we ever gonna learn to fly
the devils they burn inside of us
are we ever gonna come back down - come around
I'm always gonna worry about the things that could break us

if I was to give in - give it up
- and then
take a breath - make it deep
cause it might be the last one you get
be the last one
that could make us cold
you know that they could make us cold
I'm always gonna worry about the things that could make us cold

90's and being narcissistic

2009-12-02T17:33:00.008+08:00

had a great conversation with a friend recently, a conversation which i found rather enjoyable and weird. weird is the fact that i could still recall that moment when i first heard elton john's sacrifice in 1987/88. that was when kimisawa still the legendary supermarket whilst sate ria and white castle are the pulling factors in holiday plaza jb. then came starship's nothing's gonna stop us now. funnily, i think i had my fido dido short on then.

when my brother brought home bob marley's legend and RHCP's blood sugar sex magic in 1991, i was totally hooked. i remember carrying my Sony walkman around, the size of a brick, just to listen to under the bridge, give it away and bssm during recess over and over again. then me and eddy got into metallica and we got into it real bad. we painted our schoolbags and eventually traded a lot of replica posters for 50 cents each.

later in the early 90's, my mom would always bring me to either Lido, Nira or Rex for movies and one in particular was far & away, starred tom cruise alongside nicole kidman when both weren't even dating, i think. no, cineplex was still a foreign word. then in 1993, richard marx's right here waiting was the talk of the town. there was this indian friend who worshipped him and the subject for conversation is always obviously, richard. i also managed to stand in the first row when amy did his tour for magic, that alt-rock, grungy album. one of the best a malaysian artiste ever produced.

not really watching that stupid box but i didn't miss the mask cartoon series when it was shown on telly. and voltron too..hehe..too many to mention. and "dinasours alive", remember that one in pelangi? i shall be back later to reminisce the best decade especially when it comes to discovering nirvana and the alternative scene + jamming session at KOMTAR. till then.

amusing music

2009-11-05T15:48:00.003+08:00

zee avi, malaysia's equivalent of norah jones (i'm sure she is) is one talented singer-songwriter. me, being positive as i don't usually do, is a singer-songwriter myself. minus the talented accolade if you must. well, i don't remember writing my own music into a full, ready-to-be-performed composition. considering Am, Bm and Dm to be a must, simply a result of heavy rotations of radiohead's OK Computer, i penned a straight verse-chorus-verse song. which i since decided that it could only be showcased at, none other than my own sweet-smelling bed. with my hungry cat being the only, lonely member of the audience. the only creature present actually, by invitation.

and the lyrics differs every time. depending on the, of course, my mood. it might also occasionally sound like the not-so-punk rock, unedited, mellow version "negative creep". off an album cobain never had. (or be thankful he hadn't).

in conclusion, zee avi is one Talented musician. and she could also consider herself as an accomplished artist. artist because there are obviously lots of arts involved. artistes in a sea of "entertainers". she gets a nod from me.

dishwalla

2009-10-20T10:14:00.003+08:00

back when i was still struggling with books and juggling with classes, i could safely say that i succeeded in putting almost two-third of my time to waste. movie, music, "sessions", movie and music again and more "sessions" in between.

that was when i really had the opportunity to do my discovery channel moments. about that band, this band, our band. err, i can't really say that i was ever in a band. i'd go jamming just to maintain my hard-earned sanity. we made friends with just anybody. you know how uber-friendly people get when they're not themselves?. right.

a friend brought along his collection of old cassettes (perhaps so that we know how enlightened he was musically). and i saw one depeche mode tribute album with dishwalla on it. first i thought, the band was merely ok.

fact is, the band totally blew me away. like listening to mellon collie and infinite sadness and say nothing to a friend talking next to you so that you won't miss any part of it. that good. a great collection of songs you can listen to anytime. driving, sleeping, camping, walking, sinking or whatever.

but on a serious note, if you haven't really discovered dishwalla, you should. and you'll thank me and well if you don't, you're on your own.

999

2009-09-09T09:47:00.003+08:00

many years ago, i remember toying with the idea of being in an alt-rock band selling millions worldwide. then i'll be drowning in money, surrounded by many, really hot chicks. and that will garner me much-needed respect from my hometown boys, my teachers and envied by just anybody my age. i'll smile whilst saying, i have the best job in the world. doing things i like and getting paid for it.

and then i feel like waking up from a long, deep sleep. the journey stopped even before it even started. that was all naive and embarrassing and funny. but i know for sure, i have no business being a frontman if i can't sing like chris cornell or at least eddie vedder. no, definitely not james hetfield.

so 2nd best option - i thought if you can't be one, you could at least live like one. and that's exactly what i did. haha..that was the period of a very stupid me. still, honestly sometimes i feel like reliving that moment with a pinch of hope to revive the dream. i would always believe, we should all stay young at heart. exception - there'll be no hard-partying or colorful combination of weird looking substances anymore, just natural high. :-p

p/s : i left one important thing behind. should i become an ultra-successful rock star, i'll have my first dodge charger. with big 69 painted on each door. damn!

there is a light.

2009-08-13T18:18:00.002+08:00

speechless is a word. we can go on and on just discussing the word with no clear purpose. and maybe that is the whole point. we actually don't really need a purpose for anything. i just feel like saying it. and verbally, i'm no longer speechless.

at 6.24pm, i'm still here. at 28, i'm still here. in 2009, i'm still here. and it might sound that it is never wrong or bad or anything, unless that's what you would prefer to think. unless you would prefer to listen to all the good, mesmerizing stuffs. that is all your ears are reserved for. or perhaps, that will be the sole, contributing agent in keeping your sanity. now, is that mesmerizing and all?

i know many things or ways or tricks i could somehow apply in building walls to avoid such disturbances. and i know i don't really feel like there is anything wrong.

and at 6.31pm, i just decided i should stop typing. at 28, i should just leave. and finally, on a sunny august afternoon in year 2009, i know i need my camels and pearl jam.

August is for Virgins?

2009-08-04T09:46:00.002+08:00

my car has been "warded" for two weeks now. been using a friend's honda ever since. i'm beginning to like it but not as much as i would to a 3 series. (remember that line from radiohead's airbag? - "in a fast german car, i'm amazed that i survived...an airbag saved my life"). that's why i'll be getting myself one.

went to KL last friday. almost missed my flight on the next day. thanks to those who braved the saturday afternoon marching on the road (maybe for a reason they themselves couldn't really tell). was there for a presentation and i sincerely hope it shall be the last time i ever needed to be there for. had a good chat with brenda though (niceeee chick!)..hee..

back in town just in time for the closing ceremony of The 6th JB Arts Festival. Si Bongkok Tanjung Puteri, tale of that Robin Hood-y legendary hero, was magnificently enticing. or maybe because i have never been to a musical drama of any sort. but seriously, they were good.

did i mention about enjoying julian mokhtar and karen nunis blackstone (from mississippi to chicago) a night of blues concert weeks ago? not familiar with half of the songs but they really blew me away.

in about three weeks, it's Ramadhan again. time, hmm..

I Miss Being A Little Boy

2009-07-30T15:00:00.003+08:00

the boy in that last scene was damn lucky!

J & V

2009-07-17T17:17:00.003+08:00

ever since The 6th JB Arts Festival officially commenced on the 10th of July i got so consumed by it. as a matter of fact, weeks before it actually commenced were the most tiresome. it is the sixth year and as always, there is room for improvisation. so far so good though.

i never really listened to roger wang before. and a pretty shame to not ever heard of paul ponnudorai. boy, these guys are very, very good. a friend said something about mr paul being ranked at no 8 for fingerstyle guitar in the world. now that's a big deal, ain't it? i saw roger played "bunyi gitar" by the late Tan Sri P Ramlee and a medley of MJ's songs - man in the mirror and also the crowd favourite - imagine by john lennon. and when i first heard paul sang an old blues number by chet atkins, whoa!...i wish i could play to impress, like he did.

and then the indie nights. that 3-piece band from KL (mystery call, i think) was fantastic. funk, prog shit. and the only band from JB, fronted by an aged bloke started off singing their own song, which was not bad at all. and from the 2nd song onwards, they rocked!. songs from eric clapton bluesy selection, called it a night with cocaine. cool song!

i had to come almost everyday since the festival also allocated fringe performances for our indoor stage. dances, music, arts and many other related stuffs. and on the 3rd day of the festival, i got myself a real bad fever.

took a day rest on monday and tonite i'm ready for more action. tonite is the BassGroove 100 Jazz Concert! not going to miss that one.

you are not alone.

2009-06-26T16:41:00.005+08:00

michael jackson was pronounced dead this morning. this morning i think, as that was when i first heard the news. and the next 30 minutes of my journey, i was accompanied by his songs. songs we sang when we were still in primary's or maybe secondary's..(some were still in elementary)..

i strongly believe that almost everybody knows MJ. his rather weird moves, his symbolic black or white video and that moonwalking thingy. MJ is like a hero to many. (i think some of them fans decided to jump off the bridge or building by now). and some others are in-the-closet fans (especially those clad in black tshirts with a big red pentagram screaming at us from two blocks away).

when i was a boy, we would always get to hear MJ's songs in an indian friend's house, on a deepavali. be it from a VHS or TV3 just believed their rating will hit all-time high by showing them videos. whilst paying a visit, chewing the unchewable "bomb" cookies, me and other malay friends would sit, talk and at the same time watch MJ's concert or something.

in my personal opinion, i quite like the guy because of the neverland and his narcissistic nature. i don't know if he was ever a paedophile but the guy somehow made a difference in many lives.

p/s : i hate to break this to you michael but yes, you'll be alone down there.

you make me sick, i make music

2009-06-10T09:29:00.002+08:00

evolution. whether premeditated or unintentional, it is difficult (sometimes) yet necessary. whenever i come across that word, my mind would travel hastily searching for the deeply stored information, specifically a sentence uttered by robert de niro in heat.

the girl asks, "are you alone?". mr de niro replies arrogantly, "yeah, i'm alone. but i'm not lonely".

what has it got to do with "evolution"?. articulately, i can't elaborate the correlation though. but it seems as if the word has an indescribable association with human relationships.

people evolve. so do relationships. from just a plain into a commitment-based. so on and so forth. that is what we do. we live and we learn. we fall and we bounce back with revitalised spirits. after which, we shall emerge "evolved".

at this point, i'm sure some are clueless. maybe, some are beginning to worry about me or the health of my mind. whatever it is, evolution is vital. provided it is projected with a positive vibe, for a positive result.

p/s : (never failed to impress, errr no, to complicate).

informed decision

2009-06-05T15:16:00.002+08:00

inferiority complex?. or insecurity? i don't think that it is. it's just that i can't be certain about many things, always. especially when it's about being brave enough, with all the courage needed, to make a bold decision. decisions that would change the course of my life. decisions that would, maybe, alter the way i look at things. it would definitely hurt but it's the thing to do. (and i know that for a fact).

and yet, i just can't do it. the determination deteriorates in a blink of an eye. God, help me.

remember?

2009-05-29T10:38:00.005+08:00

i remember - lipsnyching to songs from dookie and almost every alt-rock songs. i remember - getting caught while skipping PA class (why the hell would she pick me, and always me to recite the Quran?). i remember - taking a long drag of a fat joint in our classroom on a saturday (poor fuad, he unwillingly were appointed as the sentry). i remember - we laughed hilariously the moment hafiz tripped on a bong session behind the workshop of KMT. i remember - sharing two cans of beer in the toilet minutes before performing "the way" by fastball during our english week. i remember - jamming to songs of nirvana with our seniors at b-sound studio in komtar. i remember - collecting kerrang was an achievement itself. i remember - getting slapped by JR during an assembly. i remember a lot of things. funny and embarassing and both. (no mr khai, i won't embarass myself with my being a fool stories..hehe..). we were so taken over by those teenage angst. naive and sweet at the same time. a blessing we chose to remain disguised back then.

10 years after, here we all are. some of us are now proud parents of lovely kids. retrospectively speaking, i'm happy. no, i'm very very happy. for all of us.

p/s : the theme for diva's nite is 90's. strictly a big NO to sappy love songs..hehe..

lethargical

2009-05-18T11:20:00.001+08:00

hectic. hectic. hectic. (they say july is the best time to be in tioman. lots of japanese chicks. grrr...)

Luna In Violin Section

2009-05-11T09:19:00.007+08:00

come end of the month, my youngest half-brother is getting married. my other 3 male friends are too. it came as a total surprise to me all of a sudden. everyone around me is getting married and many others are eagerly counting down the days. and definitely they are not doing it because it is the coolest thing to do in 2009. and almost always upon receiving invitations, i would feel happy, sad, bored and clueless.

why? well, it's like "short on words but long on things to say". an aries as they say, would always be secretive. still, hats off to those future parents. to miz maleya, yours will go down in history as one of the most celebrated wedding ceremonies. rawk!

p/s : the julie delpy-ish girl i met months ago is not likely to be my rightful soulmate. ask no more.

fat. they stood up for love.

2009-04-16T10:04:00.002+08:00

Mother I'm tired
Come surrender my son
Time has ravaged on my soul
No plans to leave but still I go

Fallin' with the leaves
Fallin' out of sleep
To the last goodbyes
Who cares why?

Mother I've tried
Wasting my life
I haven't given up, I lie
To make you so proud in my eyes

Fallin' out of sleep
Crawlin' over me
To the last goodbyes
Who cares why?

Tuesdays come and gone
Restless I still drive
Try to leave it all behind

Fallin', fallin' out of sleep
Fallin', fallin' with the leaves
I go crawlin', crawlin' over me

Once upon a time in my life...
I went falling...

Mother I hope you know
That I miss you so
Time has ravaged on my soul
To wipe a mothers tears grown cold

Adore. The Smashing Pumpkins. 1998.

insatiable appetite

2009-04-07T16:59:00.003+08:00

maybe he's just taking it way too seriously.
maybe he got himself a little too carried away. or utterly paranoid.
maybe he's not the only one.

what if what was to believe is already a mile behind?
what if the very reason is not clearly defined?
what if the clouds wouldn't reach its number nine?
what if all of these was spread on a thin grey line?

but he felt it was all too late
when they said it was all fate
face straight, he said, "i'm running in a figure of eight"

faithfully by journey

2009-03-30T13:37:00.003+08:00

just completed a paper, a short one, about the impacts of global recession to shopping centers and measures that could be taken in cushioning it. we say cushioning it, simply because there is actually nothing we could do stop it or reverse it. and the more i delve into the matter, the scarier it appear to be.

still, we are not taking the fall. all the measures outlined are to be implemented immediately and simultaneously, in order to allow time for the effect to take place at approximately desired period. now, since we are racing against time, against the backdrop of what appear to be the worst scenario in sixty years, i am now very, very exhausted.

bed of roses

2009-03-27T09:35:00.005+08:00

the question is about time and space. time and space. little did he know that he ain't getting any.

pitch black

2009-03-26T13:06:00.002+08:00

will you be a part of the widely-publicised earth hour, scheduled for 8.30pm this saturday?

was it all meant to be?

2009-03-10T14:16:00.002+08:00

The people are usually willing to give the government the benefit of the doubt. Be positive, all they are doing is in the interest of the people. They have all the smartest asses in the country and they deserved to be there, administrating. It's for the best.

Well, is it true or too good to be true? Was it all ethical with not a single intention to benefit their own private ends?. I can't be sure. I have no answers to all of that but the impact is right in front of me.

saturday, few weeks ago. we co-organized a career fair specially orchestrated for retrenched workers and jobless graduates. flabbergasted by the number of jobseekers turned up on the fateful day, i knew that it sent a crystal clear message to us all. the unemployment rate is increasing, alarmingly. and weeks later, while enquiring for some information from a government agency, i was furnished with some shocking truths. truths being concealed by our leaders. the harsh reality being sugar-coated on a daily basis with promises or simply, lies.

what was in the 1st stimulus package? it was not really instrumental. not surprisingly, the heatwave from the economic turmoil had sent us running to the air-conditioned, plush offices of goverment agencies. companies seeking funds in order to survive left empty-handed. and for those small traders, we ain't got nothing for them.

and this friend told me that all we could do is, wait. wait until obama succeeded in turning what america is experiencing around, sooner. if he fails, let us all pray. for the future of our children.

p/s : a friend called me the other day. looking for a job. find the time and come over buddy.

smile. it's the end of the world.

2009-03-04T15:51:00.000+08:00

I got the call today, I didn't wanna hear
But I knew that it would come
An old true friend of ours was talkin' on the phone
She said you found someone
And I thought of all the bad luck,
And the struggles we went through
And how I lost me and you lost you
What are these voices outside love's open door
Make us throw off our contentment
And beg for something more?

I'm learning to live without you now
But I miss you sometimes
The more I know, the less I understand
All the things I thought I knew, I'm learning again
I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
But my will gets weak
And my thoughts seem to scatter
But I think it's about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore

These times are so uncertain
There's a yearning undefined
...People filled with rage
We all need a little tenderness
How can love survive in such a graceless age
The trust and self-assurance that can lead to happiness
They're the very things we kill, I guess
Pride and competition cannot fill these empty arms
And the work I put between us,
Doesn't keep me warm

I'm learning to live without you now
But I miss you, Baby
The more I know, the less I understand
All the things I thought I figured out, I have to learn again
I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
But everything changes
And my friends seem to scatter
But I think it's about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore

There are people in your life who've come and gone
They let you down and hurt your pride
Better put it all behind you; life goes on
You keep carrin' that anger, it'll eat you inside

meat puppets

2009-03-04T10:20:00.002+08:00

tell me what you think

2009-02-26T11:31:00.002+08:00

this is a true story. and as always, true stories comes with a twist. and it's difficult to really decipher the true meaning behind every true incidents. always, we'd say that it was all a blessing in disguise. and most of the time, it is. or we chose to think it is.

Mr A met a Ms B. Ms B matches Mr A's criteria in many ways. they went out a few times to find the compatibility bubbling between the two of them. Ms B appeared to be someone he can spend a lot of his time with.

and when the conservative Mr A learned about Ms B past stories, he was a bit distracted. not too distracted actually. not until he decided to confront Ms B about it. Ms B, trying to be honest as she could possibly be, revealed the ugly truth that she had once slept with one of Mr A's closest friends.

Mr A said to himself that nothing could ever happen between him and Ms B. not in this lifetime since he is meeting the friend on a daily basis. that he couldn't bear the thoughts of seeing them talking together, thoughts of her in his arms and all that visions.

(sigh) i do not know what to say. all i know that sometimes love surpasses all boundaries. but not to this friend. so to all of you out there, please tell me what you think:

1. is virginity an issue to you? (i know it is not to me).
2. can you accept someone who has been around? including to your close buddies.
3. can you be sure that you won't be using that no-longer-a-virgin point in a future argument?

think, you mature beings.

don't have to read this. really.

2009-02-23T17:02:00.004+08:00

as always, it's kind of two minutes too late. too busy working, forgetting to live and now the consequence is taking its toll on him. the unprecedented amount of stress he ever experienced on a monday. he said, " i really don't need this now". but it's no longer his call.

then.
he was afraid. for being the younger version of himself is a scary thought. but he missed "him". and it felt so much easier to take the blame. about to leave and that's when it'll all happen. no can do. nary a word nor a sound. just shut up and listen or read or die.

really, he would prefer to be mr andy dufresne of shawshank redemption now.

human or dancer?

2009-01-07T09:26:00.002+08:00

timothy leary, the deceased philosopher and creator of LSD once said that he was "an anonymous institutional employee who drove to work each morning in a long line of commuter cars and drove home each night and drank martinis...like several million middle-class, liberal, intellectual robots."

robots. i'm one of those. feed me my routine and i shall live like a robot. i wouldn't notice if i were to leave my brains at home.

so i heard a song like, "are human or are we dancers?". i know i'm a dancer. i don't really dance and i don't think i always face the music. i only dance to someone else's tune.

like that, "they say jump, you say how high?".

lucky you're in love with a bestfriend?

2009-01-06T17:23:00.003+08:00

i wish for things to be simple. i wish i was a simpler person. i wish everyone was simple. and understanding too. i wish the past is not as important as the present. and the future is not something to be scared of. i wish for the future to be plain simple. relatively easy to deal with. i wish i could make it simpler. and easier too. for people around me. the significant other too.

i wish i was in my favorite jeans on a sunny sunday. i wish in my possession at any given time a pack of camel 14's. i wish nobody would ever say anything about the haze. and when my thoughts created all these multiple hazes in my head, i wish my thoughts wouldn't matter in any possible way too. then it would've been simpler for them.

i wish i was johnny depp getting a winona forever's tattoo. i wish i was that shy and dumb and honest. cause i want to be simple. i wish i am a simple person all my life. cause i don't want to know about your past. and i'm not going to worry about the future. all i want to be is plain fucking simple. i'm living the present.

we'll play it by ear tonight.

2008-12-30T09:21:00.007+08:00

1. another day passed by. this ain't no regular thursday. it's the first day of 2009. twothousandnine, it feels kind of weird saying that. and not to anyone's surprise, i have my eve spent in bed. from the window panes i saw the fireworks display. not amused.

2. australia is a very good movie. after the first two hours (it's a 3-hour-long movie), normally i would've settled for a quick nap. however, the very good-ness of this movie is how australia itself being displayed to international viewers from rather a quite different perspective. i wonder when we could have our own movie about malacca pre-1511. i wouldn't mind an epic tale of a happy-ending-love story though. we need to show the world the richness of our culture, custom and all.

3. i could not, until this very day, understand why the world has kept silent over the Israel-Palestine issue. isn't it obvious that the Jews are violating every single international law? "council de securite" of UN? (f**k 'em!). and the worst part is, the whole arab league does nothing. UAE is busy with the tallest building and all that shit when they can at least provide some humanitarian aid to the women and children. i feel bad. even worst when the spiritual leader of Iran released a fatwa for jihad against Israel. to me, the UN is just a made-up forum. they want us to play by their rules when there are actually no rules stopping them. i would say, let's get back to the Holy Book of Quran, if i can make my voice heard.

accidents waiting to happen

2008-12-18T12:23:00.004+08:00

a friend told me a story. the wife reminisced about his previous infidelity in a recent argument. stunned he was when he shouldn't. he was caught red-handed whilst enjoying the company of a young, attractive lady almost ten years ago. no problems with the marriage, it was their fifth year and the second child was months old, if i'm not mistaken. i couldn't understand why but he said, "you would never understand women".

since i wasn't in the capacity to comment from the perspective of a married man, i said, "do you know that women can always forgive, but they don't always forget?". i know it's true. i've had my share on this.

still, quoting from the book of tim allen. the guy explained the complexities of a relationship but provide no solutions. he said, men don't like to share their problems. they like to keep it to themselves and resolve it on their own. it's just their nature. they're born with it.

women, on the other hand would always expect their partner to be a good listener. so whenever a woman is having a problem, they can't wait to share it with the other half.

but forget not that men couldn't be bothered to ask, let alone being a good listener. to men (generally), it is all trivial. then the argument sets in. because women thought that we are being selfish (yes we are, at times). or men are insensitive (hmm..). worst, we are having an affair.

funny thing. right.

paranoid by a mistake to avoid

2008-12-16T09:28:00.003+08:00

there are moments like waking up in the morning doing the routines, not getting your mind involved because it is not ready. or just too lazy to be involved. so you just do the usuals. the coffee, the tv and the fantastic nature of a seasoned couch. and lots of 90's in the playlist (in my case). well, i have in my possession quite a significant number of mp3 from the superb decade. and today the subject is the verve pipe. remember that killer song, the freshmen? truly, still get the chills.

When I was young and knew everything
And she a punk who rarely ever took advice
Now I'm guilt-stricken, sobbing with my head on the floor
Stop a baby's breath and a shoe full of rice

I can't be held responsible
Cause she was touching her face
I won't be held responsible
She fell in love in the first place

For the life of me I cannot remember
What made us think that we were wise and
We'd never compromise
For the life of me I cannot believe
We'd ever die for these sins
We were merely freshman

My best friend took a week's vacation to forget her
His girl took a week's worth of Valium and slept
Now he's guilt stricken sobbing with his head on the floor
Thinks about her now and how he never really wept he says

We've tried to wash our hands of all of this
We never talk of our lacking relationships
And how we're guilt stricken sobbing with our heads on the floor
We fell through the ice when we tried not to slip, we'd say

house is not always home.

2008-12-04T10:47:00.004+08:00

walking. i love walking. i love to watch people walking. i love people-watching. do not underestimate the power of observation. and they say you can tell a lot from the way people walk. of late, i haven't been able to satisfy the crave to go people-watching. the rest of the week spent on house-scouting. yes, i'm looking for a house. signs of settling down? maybe. or maybe i know if i wait any longer, the financier will only consider a tenure of less than 30 years.

it's unbelievably true that the price of houses in JB has skyrocketed over the last 5 years. a 20x70 in skudai will have you considering selling off your precious liabilities. 180k, 240k, and sub-sale double-storey in mutiara rini is now 195k. and we bumiputra is now begging to buy a property. a scenario in which you know would be justifiable to shove your middle finger up the government's ass.

in pulai, 230k is the starting price for a linked house of 24x65. if you know where in the world pulai is, you'll instantly approve my hatred over the current administration.

congrats to kudin. so when is the housewarming scheduled for?

unscrupulous

2008-11-27T12:47:00.004+08:00

first, Cheras. second, Putrajaya. then, went back to JB. after 3 days, Putrajaya. the same day, Damansara. the same day, JB. next day, afternoon, Shah Alam. next morning, Mid Valley. late afternoon, Damansara.

finally, JB. oh wait, not so fast. an asshole driving a white toyota wish failed to acknowledge the existence and significance of indicators while making a sudden right turn. do you know the sensation when you're doing like 130kph (on a ford ranger fellas) and an object suddenly appears right in front of your nose? exactly. my friend floored the pedal and we almost left an unintentional donuts on the highway.

and then when we thought that was all for us that day, we were wrong. lastly, stranded in simpang renggam at almost midnite. why? an important-looking rod beneath the vehicle we're travelling in broke. and we managed to entertain the highway users with the sparks produced. the collision of metal on the surface of tarmac shall produce sparks. (like the only thing i remembered from science class).

less than 10 minutes, friendly faces of PLUS arrived. first words, "we saw that". and then a tow truck (i know it's business but do you really have to smile? wanker!) that police said with a seasoned grin, "lucky you. should that rod find a spot to rest on the tarmac, the vehicle will become a turned turtle". "we went to collect a girl's head 50 metres from the scene last week".

they were very helpful (although i couldn't establish the importance of that decapitated body story). another lesson learned. moral > if you can't enjoy your food while in a car or something, maybe something isn't right about the suspension. buy yourself a citroen.

is this an appreciative audience?

2008-11-19T11:13:00.003+08:00

i thought i've heard the saying that we would only appreciate anything the moment we loses it like a million times before. well the saying is true. precisely true. friend, family and foe. we would feel bad when we lost a friend, sad when one of the family members gone, or loses the grip and drown in complacence when there's no enemy.

and i strongly believe, despite the economic turmoil, the downfall of moralities, the increase of social illness and those epidemics, we are still lucky to have someone to turn to. my point is that i and my circle of friends (including you) are blessed. we are happy, with money, food and shelter. and friends. the beautiful people around us.

and now i'm singing "i could not ask for more".

tonight is the night

2008-11-03T17:03:00.001+08:00

the air has never felt so warm
the sky has never looked this way before
there's nothing comforting in change
I can't seem to find any peace in this confusion

I can't help my mind from racing
and my heart is beating faster than ever before
tell me is this really happening
I cannot tell if I am dreaming

last night
I saw you standing in the moonlight
and you took my hand and we walked
beside the river
and you said
don't be afraid, be strong
I'm with you

I'm climbing on top of my doubt
don't let this fear
get the best of me
cause I find my confidence in you
and I find my hope
when I lose control

joshua from the album "unreleased" of lifehouse. one of the underrated bands. as usual.

moonchild

2008-11-03T15:15:00.004+08:00

Follow your Grandmother Moon.
Her illuminating cycles will transform your spirit.
Begin with the Grandmother Moon at her brightest and most open.
This is a time of outward activity and high energy.
Sleep where the moonlight touches you.
Walk outside where there are no artificial lights.
Feel joy and creativity.
As the Grandmother begins to cover her face, begin to withdraw into a quieter, less social place. Move to that inward place that is more about "being" than "doing."
In the dark of the moon, when bleeding, the veil between you and the Great Mystery is the thinnest.
Be receptive to visions, insights, intuitions.
Go to a quiet separate place such as a Moon Lodge.
Later, come out of the dark, a woman with a cleansed body.
As the moon returns, come back out into the world, carrying your vision.

early menstrual rites were perhaps the first expression of human culture. you have just read one.

highway star

2008-10-24T09:08:00.007+08:00

well, i've never felt like jumping on the bandwagon by wanting to drive one of these beauties. i've never felt like trying to prove anything either. also, i can only hope that someone my age being seen driving a BMW won't be mistaken as a crown prince or whatever from that pyramid/MLM thingy. all i ever wanted is to drive a coupe from the fleet of these ultimate driving machines. tried an E36 once, great car! then, an E46, got a ticket. it was absolutely fantastic. (drooling..).

on a tuesday

2008-10-15T09:07:00.005+08:00

o love
won't ever let me down
won't ever give me up

if it's love, why am i so sad?
without love, will i be afraid?

when she's long gone, i'm alone
alone but not lonely

for all the twists and turns
just let me crash and burn
in love

family first. no second thought.

2008-10-13T10:58:00.004+08:00

me and mom were talking vividly about our hari raya trip to perak when we heard screams from two doors away. when we realised that it was our indian neighbour, we continued with the topic of freshwater fish and some eatable green plants from the jungle. not that we were being ignorant or a bad neighbour, it was just not the first time.

so the jungle is within spitting distance from my sister's backyard. boil some water, throw some weird looking plants, eat it with a pinch of sambal. 1000 times better than medium-well steak from TGI. err, maybe just 100 times.

mom don't really like fish. me, i'd prefer that barely-showered-and-bearded creature. however, the freshwater fish served for lunch that day was exceptional. i can't remember the name though we were made to understand that the fish is only seasonally-available and the only place to find it is sg perak. price? myr30 per kilo. no salt, no oil, no seasoning. straight to the grill. taste? 4 stars from a non-freshwater fish eater.

the whole 3 days was fantastic. i've never been to a real kampung, let alone having one to call my own, for hari raya. one funny incident, i was watching a kung fu movie when i felt something cold and wet between my toes. reality check, cold and wet are reptiles. that was when i saw a leech (leech, right?) bloated with blood, sucking on my toe. "just let it be. it'll fall by itself once it decided it had enough". had enough? of my blood, dammit!! and i had to wrap my feet with kleenex as it won't stop bleeding till morning. thanks buddy.

mom was so happy to finally be in perak for this hari raya. and all of us were genuinely happy too. i guess all of us made her happy throughout the trip. our own idea of an ideal mother's day.

last but on a leash

2008-09-24T08:18:00.005+08:00

emmy awards, september 21st. an award presenter, one british character made fun of steve carrell (evan almighty) for not getting an emmy of his own. mr steve was so embarassed and could not even smile, especially with the lights and camera pointed directly towards him. he even said, "what are you doing? stop it". and when everyone thought the host had crossed some serious lines, he walked off the stage, went to mr steve asking for a stolen emmy. and when mr steve returned the trophy, you'll notice that it was no longer funny although everything was clearly staged. because the man himself haven't got an emmy in his actual career.

i thought i saw something that would make my day. channel 5 will be airing the hilariously funny, "i survived a japanese game show". seriously, the japs are crazy dude!

back in 2001 or 02, when everything was melodramatic and all us rejects were very much occupied with the finding of a sherpa, we heard dave matthews bands' the space between us and we thought dave was an avid fan of mary jane, just like us.

went to singapore last saturday. final preparation was being made for that nite race. great track i must say. marina bay street circuit. brought along my nephew and niece. and the organiser of some nearby arts show were giving away ice cream and cotton candy for free. and i had to wait for them kids, gulping.

ping-pong thongs

2008-09-17T09:17:00.010+08:00

initial incidents in the morning would shape up the way how my day is going to be. as always, but not all the time, music will come to the rescue. i know this might sound cheesy and all like, "can't we all live in peace? we don't need money, just love". just too good to be true. but that's the way it is.

i'm not a morning person. i'll answer your call half-heartedly, if i answer at all. i'll reply with a minimum yet meaningful usage of words, if you send me an sms before 12. there you go, model citizen. and yet i'm in the meeting-people-and-please-them business.

it's the 17th day of Ramadan. i've realised the fact that meetings are inappropriate in this holy month. we should all be given the liberty to decide of how to spend the time.

our so-called sports room is at Level 7. and some of us including myself made our decisions. we decided to play ping-pong.

p/s : narcolepsy struck again last friday. i fell asleep out of nowhere, like a baby for approximately 30 minutes, waking up just to find that the prayer is about to begin.

guess the weather?

2008-09-04T11:19:00.002+08:00

it is the 4th day of Ramadan. was a bit busy attending to the preparation of a religious programme at our mosque. and people would invite me to that event when actually i'm the one who's ensuring everything was ready and perfect for the past two weeks.

they say during the first 3 or 4 days of Ramadan, you will experience something around the region of your head and lower abdomen. lower abdomen - hungry, of course and the lack of interest in doing no2. head - you'll lose your temper easily. that's the challenge though.

first two weeks, your body is adjusting, adapting to the change. typical indications- bad breath, whitey tongue, fatigueness.

final two weeks - cleaner tongue, fresher breath, rejuvenated as your glucose level is back on track. you are reborn, with a cleaner stomach and mightier faith.

the best detoxification session ever. and this year, i'm helping the amil (authorised person to collect the zakat). i have to finish 200 pages of the book. it's myr6.50 per person this year. anyone?

pleasures all mine

2008-08-26T17:21:00.003+08:00

i have always envied those who can really express their feelings, views and thoughts. either via words, arts or music, which i discovered being the best form of expression ever. i have always wanted to write my own scripts, my own music and movie. i want to be articulate. like alanis, mr vedder and many more. i want to be smart and prolific, not appear to be one.

and now i found out that i'm trying to sing journey's open arms every friday night.

a girl i once dated re-emerged from the shadows of my happiness. she was devastated by the previous relationship. my answer, when asked, was that i'm getting married soon. as anyone else would, she congratulated me. and we went on exchanging sms until this afternoon. until she got bored (or tired of being pretentious), she stopped replying.

"well, we were not meant for each other perhaps.."...

i'll walk a mile for my camels

2008-08-07T17:00:00.003+08:00

to kill time, there are times when i read other people's blog. many topics or subjects or bluntly-written day-to-day diary. sometimes amusing, sometimes annoying. sometimes i think some of us need some help. sometimes i think i need it more than anyone else. sometimes i just listen to REM's everybody hurts.

a friend wrote about his emptiness. blaming his career for the amount of prozac and valium and all that mind-altering chemicals consumed. is it true that being a writer, you will have to let yourself wandering around in some imaginary worlds? so that you could produce out-of-this-world results. so that you will receive a big round of applause for your masterpiece but internally you are battling with the demon who just wouldn't go away.

everybody hurts.

palma non sine pulvere

2008-07-31T12:54:00.002+08:00

course paper, examination, interview and presentation. due date : august 6th 2008. i have been dedicating many hours recently in producing my perfect version of "tenant mix and its critical success factors". the subject might appear easy but since the industry itself couldn't find any explanation academically, i'm having a hard time coming up with my own.

i remembered having a discussion with two consultants from the land down under two years ago. they came, presented a paper and left us all in the boardroom that afternoon in awe. as for myself, i couldn't help but think that for the past 30 minutes all they ever taught was simply nothing. can you ask someone from a different country to teach you of how to wear a sarong when they have only been in contact with the sarong a mere two years ago, and yet you are going to pay them my-one-year salary?

they mentioned about our shopping behavior, impulsive vs planned, catchment area and all that textbook shit.

quaecumque vera

drunk chipmunks

2008-07-29T11:10:00.003+08:00

The human species now has drinking partners.

German scientists have discovered that seven species of small mammals in the rain forests of western Malaysia drink fermented palm nectar on a regular basis. For several of the species, including the pen-tailed tree shrew, the nectar, which can have an alcohol content approaching that of beer, is the major food source — meaning they are chronic drinkers.

Frank Wiens and Annette Zitzmann of the University of Bayreuth were separately studying two of the species, including their eating habits. They discovered that the nectar of the bertam palm becomes fermented by yeast carried on the flower buds.

The pen-tailed tree shrew, in particular, takes advantage of it. By watching the animal and analyzing fur samples, the researchers estimated that the tree shrews consumed enough alcohol that they had about a 36 percent chance of being intoxicated (by human standards). But the researchers never saw any signs of inebriation, and from an evolutionary standpoint, it makes no sense to be drunk anyway. With predators all around, Dr. Wiens said, “it’s just too risky for an animal.”

The findings, reported in The Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, suggest that the tree shrews and other animals have some efficient means of metabolizing the alcohol. The findings also suggest there must be benefits to having chronic low levels of alcohol in the bloodstream — otherwise the behavior would not have evolved.

Those benefits may be psychological, Dr. Wiens said, perhaps enabling the animals to cope with stress of some sort. Further studies to determine the benefits may help in understanding humans’ relationship to alcohol, he said. And since tree shrews are similar to species that were precursors of primates more than 50 million years ago, studying their alcohol use might also provide some evolutionary background for human drinking, he added.

It's Always Happy Hour For Several Species in Malaysian Rainforest
By HENRY FOUNTAIN

Published: July 29, 2008

black coffee is an aphrodisiac

2008-07-24T17:32:00.002+08:00

1. a friend got so horny after being scolded. and i thought to myself, is the world getting weirder or have i been abducted by some jellyfish alien in my 4th stage sleep, lost my motor skills thus experiencing amnesia, no longer approve that the world is always a weird place?

2. this feels like experiencing premature ejaculation on a first date, how frustrating can that be? don't give me that look. no raising eyebrows or mouth-gaping moment please. this is the best i could think of right now to convey the shit in my head. i'm bored.

3. sent my car for a quick shower just to brave the heavy rain that late afternoon. and from that shiny rearviewmirror, i can clearly say the guy behind me is having the time of his life. stop picking your nose like you've just lost your wedding ring in it, you idiot!

and yes, boredom is the key to the lock in your mind. crazy shit, rite?

territorial pissings

2008-07-21T17:57:00.002+08:00

what do all the following movies have in common?

i. singles
ii. slackers
iii. reality bites
iv. sleep with me
v. kicking and screaming
vi. before sunrise & before sunset?

all of them revolve around the lives of twentysomethings. the struggle to find a place within the community only to feel like turning up like a bad penny. the misfits of their generation. the appreciation of arts and music, when getting involve in arts and music means you're either lazy or stupid. circa 1990's.

i do have a unique bunch of friends. will share the evolution and the poetic nature of my friends. after all, you are the company that you keep.

who wants to be an early bird?

2008-07-18T17:24:00.002+08:00

enveloped in a pop-culture on weekdays, i'm behaving like someone who would really appreciate those videos of booty-shaking and fake rains. a business-handshake believer, i nod like some characters on acid trip in that "fear and loathing in vegas". more like an entertaining parrot. wish i could live my life like it is saturday, every day. hate sundays because it feels like shit knowing that tomorrow is a day called monday. don't feel cheesy blues songs is for me but they just love me. can't not value the emotional swing it carries. wish to wake up with no worries, not a single care of what is going to happen to me, my job, this world or anything. get a cup of coffee, good movies and some munchies so that i don't have to step out of the house.

can't do that, can i? would love to go people-watching whenever i'm free. whenever the setting of a july sun seem to fly me back, to the meaningful silence. to the days when silence speaks louder than words. to the days when ugly truth is not an oxymoron.

my wishlist is getting taller. but i'm one of those who hates to plan. to work on it. not sad, nor am i anything. it's like ping-pong.

i wonder, is starting a band one of employment opportunities available to us?

she's good and better than ezra

2008-07-18T09:18:00.003+08:00

two weeks ago, i decided to get myself a whole new experience in car entertainment. front> 2 sets of 5-inch mohawk speakers, rear> 3-inch+13-inch hunter speakers, 1 lanzar 500 watt amp, 1 dynasound amp of the same capacity and 2 superb crossovers. tweeters were complimentary. and now i could only hear the good things.

opera

2008-07-07T17:52:00.002+08:00

"It's all coming in from all these other sources... stuff that you see. Real life is so much more intense than any movie, any song, any book -- if you join up and see the right performance. It's not something you could buy tickets for. Two nights ago I'm staying in the basement of this art gallery where we rehearse, and I was using the restroom at about three in the morning. I heard these drunks in the back alley. I went to listen through the crack in the door, because I thought I could hear them better. I could actually see through the half-inch clearing. It was more intense than any movie. It was all so real. There was a beginning, middle and end. It was like drugs, violence, all within less than 20 minutes. It was fascinating."

Somehow I related to that. I think that happens more than we know. It's a modern way of dealing with a bad life.

You can spend your time alone, redigesting past regrets
Or you can come to terms and realize
You're the only one who cannot forgive yourself

Eddie Vedder of Pearl Jam.

the day i tried to live

2008-07-07T08:59:00.000+08:00

i haven't been writing for quite sometime. which means i haven't been able to share my views and thoughts. which means i have been keeping stuffs in, all to myself. which is not healthy at all.

i can see the change. people change. i change. i'm changing into another person. i lose my temper easily these days. especially when i'm hungry. and lately, i'm always hungry cause i'm losing my appetite again.

a friend from KL came yesterday since they're having that stupid tour again in danga bay. so we were talking about work and the accompanying bla-blas. i saw his photo while on holiday in anfield and sighed . "i haven't got the time to jerk off. let alone pamper myself for a holiday".

he said,"this is crazy. however passionate we are about the job, still, we need to get some time off from it. and you're working like seven days a week?!. bet you saved like a quarter million by now".

"mm, last time i checked which was a few hours ago, that ugly stupid machine said something about insufficient fund".

says it all

2008-07-02T09:45:00.002+08:00

"Wide Awake" (audioslave/chris cornell)

You can a look a hurricane right in the eye.
1200 people dead or left to die.
Follow the leaders, were it an eye for an eye we'd all be blind.
Deaf or murdered, and this I'm sure in this uncertain time.

So come pull the sheet over my eyes
So I can sleep tonight
Despite what I've seen today.
I found you guilty of a crime, of sleeping at a time
When you should have been wide awake.

Down on the road the world is floating by.
The poor and undefended left behind.
While you're somewhere trading lives for oil,
As if the whole world were blind, hey
Wide awake! Wide awake! Wide awake! Wide awake!

i wanna be bob dylan, someone a little more funky

2008-06-25T13:25:00.001+08:00

when everybody loves me, just about as happy as i can be.

state of love and trust

2008-06-25T10:45:00.002+08:00

wish me well on a wishing well. she sells sea shells at the sea shore. what the f**k?!

God is Great!

2008-06-23T15:25:00.004+08:00

i received an email attached with a 3GP file. it was about a flying dome in one remote island in indonesia. the people built a mosque, and like all other mosques, the dome is the last thing they would attach. long story short, they couldn't find a crane that day.

so they assembled 3, 000 kiai (muslim scholars or something like that) and all of them started chanting praises to Allah in unison. and the dome started to lift up and flew to the designated location on the newly-built mosque.

it was reported that many spectators went hysterical and fainted upon seeing the extraordinary incident. and do you remember seeing those images of mosques in all aftermath of natural disasters?

they say jump, you say how high?

2008-06-17T17:21:00.003+08:00

this is for you...

2008-06-17T16:27:00.004+08:00

click on the image. smile with me.

puh...leeezzz

2008-06-17T11:22:00.003+08:00

on a tuesday. i thought yesterday i have finally realised that something is happening around the world. natural disasters, food crisis, starvation, kato's killing spree, exploration of mars and etc.

at home, it is difficult not to speak about the current political climate. it is even harder to be ignorant. i hope it won't get to the extent that it is hard to be a malaysian.

maybe, people will become kiasu as our neighbour. maybe, we will no longer find the true meaning of life. we'll be busy finding ways. and love is, secondary.

it's the 11th hour.

p/s : he just want her to want to understand. he wanted to be understood. well, who doesn't?, he thought.

no surprises for me

2008-06-14T15:50:00.002+08:00

thom yorke of radiohead sang, "bring down the government cause they don't, they don't speak for us". he might be that radical. we can't do that, can we? but now i have a lot of questions.

what good is an elected spokesman if he could not speak on our behalf?
what is the purpose of an election if the outcome is for the worse?
what is the significance of having our own political party if it is only for the selected few?
is it that necessary, that fuel price hike?
do we look like that stupid to just believe and consequently queueing up in a PO for a rebate?

for all i care, we have been denied and then silenced.

so what's the matter with you?
sing me something new, would you?

a colleague said, "is this the best that our government could come up with?. don't the government have all the smartest brains in the world and i couldn't help but wonder what is happening to them?".

"read between the lines", i said to all of them.

cause you and i both...

2008-06-10T15:21:00.002+08:00

she is a witch. she can make you feel like vomitting whilst listening to her words. she can make you kill someone, or her. she possesses the ability to convert what's left of those good things in your sick, sad life into misery. she's definitely a witch.

he can tolerate any behaviour, at all, provided he is given sufficient time to enveloped himself in john mayer's music. is that a fact?

migration. i had fluctuating considerations on the subject. i've made up my mind earlier and voila, reconsider. again. f**k me. even politician can't be consistent.

and tomorrow is going the best day of the week. i'm taking a day off. yes, i am selfish.

welcome to my fortress of solitude, may you find solace

2008-06-09T17:44:00.003+08:00

i saw someone singing loudly this morning. but i feel bad. that someone is the guy i met in the elevator the other day. he was walking lazily and i can't help but asked, "why are you looking so miserably disturbed?". "i didn't have any money", he replied.

"and why is that", i asked knowing that he's working with a company on the 14th floor.

"someone lost a walkie-talkie. they made us pay for it. f**k, don't they have any idea how we've worked like a dog?".

poor guy.

forever in debt to your priceless advice

2008-06-09T17:34:00.002+08:00

i hate that institution. i hate the fact that the outstanding balance now stood more at myr1800. i hate the fact it was only myr800+ a year ago. i hate them. i hate them who managed to make this system appear kind of stylish. i hate them. they will rot in hell.

that yellow tiger will face extinction.

but i haven't eaten today

2008-06-05T10:44:00.002+08:00

some people want it all
some would be pleased to see them fall

some people thought it was two minutes too late
some just thought it was all fate

some people walk the pavement and sing
some just wait for what tomorrow might bring

some people drink and breathe lies
some were blessed and stay disguised

some taught themselves to let go
some just wouldn't know

but i don't know, let alone care
cause i haven't eaten today

behold. the world is a vampire.

2008-06-04T10:57:00.003+08:00

they would always argue. it was weird. it was always because she had a mood swing and he thought that all those nonsense can wait. they don't seem compatible. but love as usual, came to the rescue. and they survived another day.

but still it was more weirder though. he can still tolerate. he would still think that it was all his fault. then he apologized. then things went back to normal. not general but his idea of normal.

but the cancer would turn black someday, he thought. there will come one fine day that he is afraid things might turn out different. he would treat each passing day differently. he would treat her differently. he would treat their relationship differently. their turbulent relationship.

change. is the only thing constant and the only thing that people like him is afraid of. he is afraid of changing. he despised change. he despised people who would want or make him change.

now she is the one who desperately need to change, he told himself. but why would she treat him as wanting him to change. now he is confused. when confusion is the last thing on earth that he would ever want, at the moment. great, he exhaled.

he is now singing, "she's going to change the world but she can't change me".

end credit.

let me sing you a waltz

2008-06-03T12:06:00.004+08:00

i had a shitty week. i had the tendency to kick somebody's ass for kissing somebody else's ass. i was so sure that someone would learn his lesson if i were to hang him upside down, head firm inside the toilet bowl. now i'm letting him to live. to continue destroying my life.

accidents are accidental (although some are premeditated). but that's not the point. the point is why the hell are we so interested in watching accidents. not helping, simply watching. you'll have to wait until the first person in front is satisfied with the watching, then he'll eventually accelerate again.

thursday, may 29, 2008. 1745hrs. flood. almost drown my car.

work. (o patience, thou shalt not step over the ledge).

kiss and tell and lose

2008-05-23T23:19:00.004+08:00

reluctantly, i wrote a simple explanation of what was i doing by making public my views and opinions on premarital sex. i have posted many entries on the subject previously. being your average unorthodox, insensitive yet sarcastic, i must've crossed some lines.

this morning, i was a bit surprised to have not-entirely-anonymously-written advice in my mailbox. i am grateful. thanks dear. but still, there are things that perhaps not all of us would decipher like the others would.

the purported assumption was that, i was practicing premarital sex on a regular basis. as far as i can remember, i did not scream from any rooftops announcing proudly my being able to get between their legs with no strings attached.

i'm in my all-work-and-no-play mode. so, don't play-play.

the man, mary jane and december 1999

2008-05-21T12:55:00.005+08:00

i heard eddie vedder said this during one of pearl jam's many great performances, "this one goes out to a friend who's currently serving a jail term. for abusing his own, inner child". now that's brilliant. mr vedder is one arrogant bastard. and he is also genius. (genius+arrogance=brilliance).

speaking of which, there was this friend from the east coast. all of us called him "stone" or maybe "stoned". the latter would suit him best as he was always, stoned. so this stone character, put his stoned-ness aside, is an accomplished guitarist. he would play richard ashcroft's the drugs don't work for me to sing. sometimes nutshell by alice in chains and those 90's tunes.

so what makes this pothead so significant that i'm actually writing a tribute to him?

well, the man himself impacted so much on my life then. and now still. at times, after a few joints, we would sit in my tiny, little room writing poems. yes, you read it right. poems and lyrics to songs we never had the chance to complete. now why the hell would someone write poems and have a serious discussion about it when he/she should enjoy the wonders of THC? i don't know but it felt good.

it was freedom that i'm experiencing. freedom of space and time. funny though to imagine that we actually had arguments about the air, color and those unthinkable stuffs. i made a collage from those old kerrang and hung it on my bedroom wall. then together we produced a lyric out of it. with a rhyming stanzas. obviously, we're so there.

i wonder where he is now. bro, if you're reading, we're planning a trip to amsterdam.

a proud johorean on the day mahathir left

2008-05-21T11:09:00.004+08:00

one should make a draft of whatever to be posted in a blog. one should be granted the permission of taking one's own sweet time in delivering something in bloggerville. but not me. i just write anything. think for like 2 minutes and pour it all out in writing. sometimes, there are things you thought could be well received. some weird ideas maybe.

so i did a lot of my thinkings (or daydreaming) while behind the wheels. today, on my way to plaza kotaraya, i thought of the difference between living in JB and KL. in many ways.

i. there's hardly any traffic jam in JB. even if there is, it would not be as severe as in KL.
ii. friendliness. i think people are friendlier here. in KL, "go f**k yourself" is not a foul language. it is to make your presence felt.
iii. food. you can find food anywhere in KL. but not good food. no complaints.
iv. in KL, you are always in a constant search of a good life. you live by other's definition of GOOD. we don't search here in JB. we expect.
v. pollution is no longer an issue in KL. they don't talk about it anymore. they think chernobyl is the point of reference so they are still doing fine.
vi. even though it'll cost you more to live in JB (thanks to them singaporeans), why can't i save any moolah every month? that's a mystery.

no offense ya. let's have some real defining moments of F&B in JB. i'll do the introducing and you do the buying. savvy?

ritual #2

2008-05-21T08:43:00.002+08:00

i don't know about the others but sure it felt creepy. honestly, i wasn't scared. i was so eager to witness the whole process. so coming back to the "session".

suddenly the baby stopped crying. he uttered words. words understandable only if you're from the other side. the man wiped the air right above the patient. then he raised his right hand and showed to the door. (to me the act was more like throwing something out of the door, from the body).

then the son ran, holding a torchlight to the main door which was left ajar, earlier (where the bottle was). actually, he was guiding THE thing out of the room and ushered it towards the bottle. then he came back into the room and put his father's hand down firmly on the yellow cloth.

i was a bit puzzled when i heard the sound from the man. it was like a young girl crying and reciting Quran verses between breaths. then after like 10 minutes, he asked for the bottle. the color is now thick blood red. full of blood. then he took a quran whilst turning the bottle upside down. he pointed something on the bottom of the bottle. something like a monkey's nail.

i just couldn't understand the reason why people would resort to such behavior in this era. you will never understand, i suppose.

to some, revenge is sweet.

ritual #1

2008-05-13T12:52:00.003+08:00

i had my first ever experience to actually witness a ritual. a witchdoctor with all the necessary arrangements in yellow and strange little things sat within two feet away from me. in pitch dark.

it was 10+pm. we drove for almost an hour to a place famous for mystical creatures and stuffs. greeted by the wife, we sat outside and chatted whilst waiting for the man. he arrived with his younger son carrying a plastic bag.

he went in for a while. "communicating" i was told. then i heard someone said, the "friend" requested the ritual to be done at 11pm. so we had about half an hour.

i was so sleepy when the son came to us and signaled, "it's time". we went in and sat around him in a little room. i just couldn't stand the smell of burning incenses. laid upon him, a medium-sized yellow cloth written with characters and verses ( i think). and various weapons, all wrapped tightly with yellow cloth, were arranged neatly before him.

he handed to the son a wooden stick and said, "put this in the kitchen". then he continued to show us an empty bottle filled with plain tap water. i want all of you to be sure so take a good look at it. and please "empty" your minds, i'm about to begin.

please make sure the "path" is clear. (he instructed that the path between the main door and the room that we're in must be clear from any obstructions.) drank like two gallons of water, switched the light off and he began to mumble something.

in less than 10 minutes, he began to act differently. i can see that he was trying to keep it steady whilst allowing something to get into him. swinging left and right. funny and scary sounds. he held onto a dagger firmly. (the dagger was being stood upright on the yellow cloth).

all of a sudden, the baby in the cradle cried. so loud that you know, she sure did see something.

to be continued....(ritual #2).

lost in translation

2008-05-12T15:09:00.002+08:00

we were talking about recent movies with a friend. so i said that i haven't been blessed with the luxury of spending my weekends on movies for quite sometime. this friend of mine stopped me halfway and said something like, "yeah man, if not working, you'll be spending your precious time with amoi".

and the "subject" thought i was hitting on her.

she said, "bro, he was about to say something just now". as if suggesting that i was hinting to ask her out. she went on to say this to my friend, "he's not like you. he just wouldn't make it that obvious. like you always do". then she stood up and left. and i got a stick out, lit up and smoke it all away.

btw, my mom is now officially a good friend of amoi. put away that chopping board cause i'm not gonna put my head on it. happy mother's day mom!

used to love her but i have to kill her

2008-05-02T08:49:00.003+08:00

i was once interested in her. she was somehow resemble the old flame. we exchange looks and i'm sure she definitely saw my jaw dropped and i was drooling profusely. she's got one bloody fine ass.

after sometime, we managed to sit together courtesy of a friend. but it was strictly business. she's working at a law firm, a good friend of an auctioneer. and i was looking for a house.

then, we went out together. accompanied by my karaoke buddies. last week, we met late in the afternoon. she gave a few addresses of the soon-to-be-auctioned houses. thanked her, gave my phone number, chatted a bit and i left her for the mosque.

that night, she sent me an sms. said she couldn't sleep. unsuspectingly, i told her to grab some good movies or music. and then the surprise arrived>>>"i couldn't sleep. just thinking about you".

so i said after a few msgs, "maybe we could be friends. there's no need to rush things. after all, u just got my number this afternoon. now i really need to get some sleep, sure u do too. we'll talk about this over lunch tomorrow ya. nite! ".

the reply was.
"i know your name and i know what i want. u know what to do. nite!"

i'm not confused. i'm happy with amoi. this is just a test. and don't tell amoi, she'll send someone to kill me.

is this it?

2008-04-30T09:15:00.003+08:00

life has a funny way of telling you about something.
whether you'd be able to get a good laugh out of it is what matters.

come shine down on me

2008-04-26T16:17:00.003+08:00

am i the only one?

all in a week's work

2008-04-21T10:36:00.003+08:00

stevo, wherever you are at this moment, you're in deep shit man!

i've just completed my exec cert in event management from sydney university of technology. there were two lecturers. mr johnny allen, author of the textbook in event management as well as the advisor of that discipline at UTS was the father figure. i recalled seeing a friend remained asleep like 20 minutes and he just went on lecturing, expressionless.

warwick hamilton was the total opposite. running around, flat on the floor and sat motionless simultaneously. freaking enthusiastic. i just thought he forgot his dosage of ritalin, or maybe prozac.

met kudin, shiz (man, haven't met you like three lightyears) and a friend. jas, on the other hand, remained dedicated to his job. i hope your boss is equally dedicated in revising your paycheck bro. and met eddy, less than two hours before i left.

luck was on my side.
1st-quick leak. went down and the door closes the moment i stepped into the car of ERL.
2nd-arrived like 10min late at KLIA. walking around looking for my gate. 100 metres away from the gate, i heard my name being announced.
3rd-everyone was already in a queue, in that boarding tunnel. the staff saw me, asked something and started running. they have removed my bag from the aircraft. shite!

luckily, she managed to have it returned. god, was i lucky?..hehe..

stupidumbdumb

2008-04-10T16:28:00.003+08:00

I'm not like them
But I can pretend
The sun is gone
But I have a light
The day is done
But I'm having fun
I think I'm dumb
Or maybe just happy

My heart is broke
But I have some glue
Help me inhale
And mend it with you
We'll float around
And hang out on clouds
Then we'll come down
And have a hangover

Skin the sun
Fall asleep
Wish away
The soul is cheap
Lesson learned
Wish me luck
Soothe the burn

Wake me up

when hannibal met clarice

2008-04-10T11:29:00.003+08:00

my birthday's eve was spent at finding my favorite dvds. i managed to get a set of the dr hannibal lecter trilogy. silence of the lambs (sotl) is one of my fav movies, other than shawshank redemption, reality bites and many more.

frankly, i'm yet to finish reading hannibal . that book i bought for myr2.00 at a flea market in ipoh. the author, thomas harris is very narrative. just like dan brown.

i don't really read books. they just serve the purpose of sending me to sleep. so i'll read like four to five pages before losing consciousness everyday.

back to the hannibal story, there are silence of the lambs, hannibal and red dragon. i have seen sotl and read hannibal (not entirely though). the fictional character of dr hannibal lecter is just awesome. smart, slick and dangerous and unique. mr norahman said something phenomenal about the red dragon movie. i'll figure that out soon.

so i'm officially 27, though "age is just a number". i like seven (near-whisper). reminds me of seven deadly sins.

do you HAVE TO let it linger?

2008-04-10T11:17:00.003+08:00

man sent me plenty of these ads sometime ago. just found out it was saved in a template.

when the dogs define her.

2008-04-07T18:02:00.004+08:00

a lot of things happened recently. and when i stopped in between, it just disappeared. now what was it actually that made me feel really occupied?. i don't know.

jas and i went to have some ayam penyet at banafe. now that's something that i just can't figure out until today. that's him and his fondness of nasi ayam penyet. after sending some toblerone for the lady, we went to dataran. i haven't been there before. the place is a small open room partitioned by a folding glass doors. next is the room for avid fans of pool. or room for beginners in playing pool. after 6 rounds and equal winnings, we headed back home. i was stopped at a roadblock. for jumping red lights. swear to god, it was amber the moment i passed by. lucky night though, no tickets!

went to segamat at 6 plus. on a sunday morning. i think that was like the 11th school. so yesterday's session revolved mainly around the importance of self-confidence. it felt good doing something for the community.

drove to kluang afterwards. free lunch of lamb shank, grilled beef slices, deep-fried dory and some whatever-the-name-is pasta. mr barnabas, the owner of kluang rail coffee is a great host. and his menu at his own barney's is perfect!

"be yourself, IF it's all that you can do".

where the masks are found.

2008-04-07T17:48:00.012+08:00

familia outing in temasek

2008-04-04T11:18:00.014+08:00

black swan

2008-03-28T17:45:00.003+08:00

falling apart, you tell yourself you are.

and when you thought you are matured enough
that you can cushion every pressure
that you won't lose yourself
that you can swallow it down

all of a sudden, you just don't know
you just don't care
you just couldn't be bothered
you just changed into someone you are afraid of

you are now the monster
the monster you were once thought of killing
the monster so fucked up it couldn't last any longer than a night

the thick black fog enveloped the angelic feathers of the swan.
the once white bird.
hence, a black swan.

it is wrong to think that you are always right. and it is ok to stay on the left for a while.

johor bahru #2

2008-03-25T10:17:00.006+08:00

home is where the heart is

2008-03-20T15:44:00.014+08:00

studio apartment

2008-03-18T16:21:00.005+08:00

there's a place in tampoi indah quoting below myr200k for a townhouse. i've been searching around for a landed house for quite some time. found a single-storey terrace last year at a very, very cheap price. however, location-wise the place will need at least 7-8 years to be fully developed which will logically have a substantial effect on the future selling price. the only thing good about the house is, you can build another house of the same size next to it.

recently, a friend told me about the townhouse. the value was somewhere myr400k when it first launched and the singaporean owner is now letting it go at half price.

so i'll go check it out tomorrow. then, i'll decide. then, i'll feel responsible again. financially.

bensonandhedges

2008-03-13T15:03:00.003+08:00

the time will come.

cause you just might get it all

2008-03-13T13:18:00.004+08:00

i couldn't agree more with the designer about the writings of our friend up north. there is no and in fact, will never be an absolute freedom in this world.

hence, be careful in sharing your thoughts and opinions. i/we do not promote a rally on the grounds of preserving our freedom of speech. i'd rather learn to deal and live with the non-existence of it. during my years in SA, we had a debate on the issues pertaining to the Freedom Of The Press.

Case Study #1
A journalist should let the people know the truth as it is their responsibility. What if the truth is ugly, at it has always been? What if the truth makes the people who reads it become ugly?
Should the journalist still have the news made public?

Case Study #2
News Blackout. Do we use it appropriately? or appropriately?

Doing the right thing means doing it the right way (using the right channel), at the right time. my opinion is,"if you can't beat them, just join them. at your terms if you can. if not, just leave them".

after all, "what is popular is not always right and what is right is not always popular".

guerrilla radio! turn that shit up!

2008-03-10T18:00:00.002+08:00

everywhere i go, coffee shops, toilets, complexes people are talking about the election. people are increasingly becoming a k-society in respect of the political climate of our nation ever since. i was not surprised with the current development but rather stunned with the election's outcome. although frankly i was hoping for a change, thus anticipated a number of seats to be grabbed by the leftists. but not 4 states.

and i thought i heard someone said something about a conspiracy theory in the pearl island. also, that all 3 of us should share the cake instead of fighting for a piece of it. it's very, very crucial, they said. i just thought, why cry over spilled milk?

and hopefully, there will be no riots or any form of public outcry.

there's one prominent lady figure from Turkey said this, "if they hate the leaders, it's our internal problem and we will deal with it. but if you attack this country, they will surely unite as one. they will be fighting against you as a team, a uniformed unit".

good and bad

2008-03-10T14:48:00.001+08:00

the outcome is good and bad.

an accidental patriot

2008-03-07T09:17:00.002+08:00

after work, i went to pizza hut as planned. we're supposed to discuss with the area manager of their intention to hold a major coloring contest in our atrium. one topic to another, or since there was nothing more appealing than tomorrow's election, we landed on top of the political mountain.
i can't remember when was the last time i ever had to justify my not going to vote this saturday. the manager was asking the very same question. question i have heard like zillion times. question i have been wanting to avoid. question that will only make me feel that i'm doing the right thing.

so i said many things about the current quality of life. i asked her if she could stop by the KFC and buy something for the family on her way home. she said, "yes, sure". and if she could do it effortlessly. and the answer was "yes" again. so i went, "do you know that there are breadwinners out there left with no other choice than to save for three months just to bring their kids to enjoy the KFCWTF, because they have been promised?". and because getting to dine in KFCWTF means a lot to them. a real big deal. and i said that i couldn't bear the sight of a family of three riding a bike in the rain. with the wife holding the baby.

in those remote places, villages, squatters, families shared a blanket under the tin roof. studying with the help of poisonous candles. fighting and crying over fried fish or cold chicken from yesterday's lunch.

and they say, this is a rich country. this is the nation you should be proud of. this is the country you can live in harmony. agreed. now, go help the people.

only read the papers after march 8

2008-03-05T08:59:00.003+08:00

i was once asked to hold a discussion with someone from the industry. my boss had earlier, emailed a detailed proposal to me, with hope that i'd vet it through and revert with something to materialise from it. i didn't. she said, this guy is blind. my reaction was normal. i mean, how would you react to that?

so i went to meet him at a restaurant in our centre. the guy was wearing a sunglass, accompanied by a loyal friend. we shook hands and i apologised for being late. (shut up). actually, that friend kinda helped him to get our hands together. the guy then proceeded to elaborate the objective of that day's meeting...bla, bla, bla,....his friend was a bit quiet though.

you see, the social manner is, you should look a person in the eye section whilst he/she is doing the talking. not nose. not ears, not lips but eyes. so i just acted naturally and looked him right at the spot. and this guy, (i wonder if he can actually see from behind the glasses), he suddenly said to me, "i'm blind, you know". now that's the part that i did not know how to react. calmly and naturally. so i went, "yeah, ok". man, i felt bad. he didn't have to tell me about it.

and i'm meeting him again at 10.

p/s : a message to mr khai, "kita sudah berada di landasan yang betul". is that right?

teesherrt

2008-03-04T16:01:00.001+08:00

my new t-shirt says, edison chen is my hero. period.

they say...

2008-03-04T14:58:00.002+08:00

they say, if you love someone, set them free.
can you actually, willingly, possibly do that?

they say, no point of having someone around when he/she is not happy.
but, it is better to know that he/she is happy with someone else.
will you be happy then?

they say, move on. go on and find yourself a new set of happy memories.
will it ever be the same?

forget what they say. it's your life and your call. live and do it.