home is where the heart is

studio apartment

there's a place in tampoi indah quoting below myr200k for a townhouse. i've been searching around for a landed house for quite some time. found a single-storey terrace last year at a very, very cheap price. however, location-wise the place will need at least 7-8 years to be fully developed which will logically have a substantial effect on the future selling price. the only thing good about the house is, you can build another house of the same size next to it.

recently, a friend told me about the townhouse. the value was somewhere myr400k when it first launched and the singaporean owner is now letting it go at half price.

so i'll go check it out tomorrow. then, i'll decide. then, i'll feel responsible again. financially.

bensonandhedges

the time will come.

cause you just might get it all

i couldn't agree more with the designer about the writings of our friend up north. there is no and in fact, will never be an absolute freedom in this world.

hence, be careful in sharing your thoughts and opinions. i/we do not promote a rally on the grounds of preserving our freedom of speech. i'd rather learn to deal and live with the non-existence of it. during my years in SA, we had a debate on the issues pertaining to the Freedom Of The Press.

Case Study #1
A journalist should let the people know the truth as it is their responsibility. What if the truth is ugly, at it has always been? What if the truth makes the people who reads it become ugly?
Should the journalist still have the news made public?

Case Study #2
News Blackout. Do we use it appropriately? or appropriately?

Doing the right thing means doing it the right way (using the right channel), at the right time. my opinion is,"if you can't beat them, just join them. at your terms if you can. if not, just leave them".

after all, "what is popular is not always right and what is right is not always popular".

guerrilla radio! turn that shit up!

everywhere i go, coffee shops, toilets, complexes people are talking about the election. people are increasingly becoming a k-society in respect of the political climate of our nation ever since. i was not surprised with the current development but rather stunned with the election's outcome. although frankly i was hoping for a change, thus anticipated a number of seats to be grabbed by the leftists. but not 4 states.

and i thought i heard someone said something about a conspiracy theory in the pearl island. also, that all 3 of us should share the cake instead of fighting for a piece of it. it's very, very crucial, they said. i just thought, why cry over spilled milk?

and hopefully, there will be no riots or any form of public outcry.

there's one prominent lady figure from Turkey said this, "if they hate the leaders, it's our internal problem and we will deal with it. but if you attack this country, they will surely unite as one. they will be fighting against you as a team, a uniformed unit".

good and bad

the outcome is good and bad.

an accidental patriot

after work, i went to pizza hut as planned. we're supposed to discuss with the area manager of their intention to hold a major coloring contest in our atrium. one topic to another, or since there was nothing more appealing than tomorrow's election, we landed on top of the political mountain.
i can't remember when was the last time i ever had to justify my not going to vote this saturday. the manager was asking the very same question. question i have heard like zillion times. question i have been wanting to avoid. question that will only make me feel that i'm doing the right thing.

so i said many things about the current quality of life. i asked her if she could stop by the KFC and buy something for the family on her way home. she said, "yes, sure". and if she could do it effortlessly. and the answer was "yes" again. so i went, "do you know that there are breadwinners out there left with no other choice than to save for three months just to bring their kids to enjoy the KFCWTF, because they have been promised?". and because getting to dine in KFCWTF means a lot to them. a real big deal. and i said that i couldn't bear the sight of a family of three riding a bike in the rain. with the wife holding the baby.

in those remote places, villages, squatters, families shared a blanket under the tin roof. studying with the help of poisonous candles. fighting and crying over fried fish or cold chicken from yesterday's lunch.

and they say, this is a rich country. this is the nation you should be proud of. this is the country you can live in harmony. agreed. now, go help the people.

only read the papers after march 8

i was once asked to hold a discussion with someone from the industry. my boss had earlier, emailed a detailed proposal to me, with hope that i'd vet it through and revert with something to materialise from it. i didn't. she said, this guy is blind. my reaction was normal. i mean, how would you react to that?

so i went to meet him at a restaurant in our centre. the guy was wearing a sunglass, accompanied by a loyal friend. we shook hands and i apologised for being late. (shut up). actually, that friend kinda helped him to get our hands together. the guy then proceeded to elaborate the objective of that day's meeting...bla, bla, bla,....his friend was a bit quiet though.

you see, the social manner is, you should look a person in the eye section whilst he/she is doing the talking. not nose. not ears, not lips but eyes. so i just acted naturally and looked him right at the spot. and this guy, (i wonder if he can actually see from behind the glasses), he suddenly said to me, "i'm blind, you know". now that's the part that i did not know how to react. calmly and naturally. so i went, "yeah, ok". man, i felt bad. he didn't have to tell me about it.

and i'm meeting him again at 10.

p/s : a message to mr khai, "kita sudah berada di landasan yang betul". is that right?

teesherrt

my new t-shirt says, edison chen is my hero. period.

they say...

they say, if you love someone, set them free.
can you actually, willingly, possibly do that?

they say, no point of having someone around when he/she is not happy.
but, it is better to know that he/she is happy with someone else.
will you be happy then?

they say, move on. go on and find yourself a new set of happy memories.
will it ever be the same?

forget what they say. it's your life and your call. live and do it.

with or without you

i can't live with or without you.

contraband nation in electioneering

is there any other news than the upcoming election?

a) someone is getting a new tractor.
b) someone is helping someone at the wet market, in tailored suits.
c) someone is giving everyone something. for free. not really free actually.
d) something just need to be given away at least one month prior to the election date.
one week is ideal.

i'm not reading any papers.

can that someone do something about imitation cigarettes instead?. i had rather severe headaches after consuming a packet.

pre-election Q&A session.
A> mr minister, can we have cigarettes for free?
B> no, it's bad for your health.
A> why sell if it's bad?
B> well, it has a significant contribution to the tax which will be converted into developing our beloved nation. you know, schools and stuffs.
A> so, is this nation idealistic?. can we compromise health for something like "schools and stuffs", of which you can't be certain? we're still paying for books and stuffs, you know.
B> next question please.

just my thought. vote for me. i'll get you free cigarettes.

Who Moved My Cheese? B**ch!

this pic was taken last year during a course at our HQ. it was ok. i'm the youngest, that was why.

left, from HQ. me. someone from our sister company.

a session with one makcik. do i look like i'm enjoying it? ..hmm...

alone but not lonely

it was like watching felicity with a scene where a lonely, hungry busker stood on a pavement and started playing sullivan street by counting crows. and he was smiling. and it was all just kind of melodramatic. it was getting dark. and as the moon rises, he stopped playing. he just stared. he was stunned to see the beauty of this world. the moon. as if enjoying his first sensation of seeing the moon. he was still smiling when he discovered that he was no longer hungry. the hunger just disappeared into the darkness. he walked back to the same spot. the spot was something like a makeshift shelter. then he went on to sing black by pearl jam.

i was just imagining things. i was trying to fly back to the nineties. the unexplainable serenity. i feel like spending a night watching reality bites over and over again. i feel like being a part of the empire records.

and i know, i'll still feel that there was an imaginary connection while reading the article about the night river phoenix overdosed at johnny depp's viper room.

i still have those kerrang and other 90's mags. and one mag dated june 1994 (if i'm not mistaken). merely three months after kurt cobain's death.

refuse.

the game had just begun

in my line of business, we know each and everyone of our competitors by name. the circle is considerably small. we had after-five-conversations regularly. we came with a practised smile and we've learned our lessons in disclosing sensitive datas. no matter how close you are to the person sitting next to you, he or she still going to be your competitors.

a friend from a neighboring centre calls me from time to time. he is now under constant scrutiny by his superior as a result of losing good promotional activities to us, as well as to other "friends's" centres.

we are getting it. i mean, my company formed a task force and having your asses being monitored on a weekly basis is not a cool thing. but i guess, it is the thing to do. now, all three centres are slowly being catapulted back into the limelight in terms of weekly activities.

but, god knows how much i need a break.

i alone

My Burning Heart

My heart is burning with love

All can see this flame

My heart is pulsing with passion

like waves on an ocean

my friends have become strangers

and I’m surrounded by enemies

But I’m free as the wind
no longer hurt by those who reproach me

I’m at home wherever I am

And in the room of lovers

I can see with closed eyes
the beauty that dances

Behind the veils
intoxicated with love
I too dance the rhythm
of this moving world

I have lost my senses
in my world of lovers

Love Is The Cure

"Love is the cure,
for your pain will keep giving birth to more pain
until your eyes constantly exhale love
as effortlessly as your body yields its scent.”

all poems by Jallaludin Rumi.

angie's wedding reception

L-R>>>man and sam and zan.

L-R>>>fiza the pengapit, onn (nadia wanted to be part of this, again).

L-R>>>rashidah and her friend (yummy).

L-R>>>noni, rini, the ghost of tom joad, a friend.

L-R>>>sam, onn, onn's husband

L-R>>>jas, apek and his descendent.

L-R>>>mrs jamil and mr jamil.

L-R>>>Baharuddin Achmad aka apek, wife and Apek The II

L-R>>>i only recognized a familiar face. that's arin in white batik. and the rest, mm..friends.

L-R>>>a friend (she's...mm..blue), dila, dila's friend (i think)

L-R>>>watie's husband, watie herself, the coke-filled glass

L-R>>>maliah, nana, a friend, nadia and che pah (again).

L-R>>>noni, rini (she's..err...nothing), sam, a junior, onn.

L-R>>>azza, azza's hubby, a junior from school, tora (what's his real name?)

L-R>>>sam (he's the law), aza (mrs sam)

L-R >>aida (mrs man), man, zan

now it is time for...err...dine?

please welcome...

easy...easy...

the arrival.

mr halim, imported from best 104fm with a relative of angie.

che pah with nadia. camera-happy, as always.

and we're gathered here tonight to witness...

walk down memory lane

sister hazel, spin doctors, vervepipe, counting crows, hootie and the blowfish, blur, sonic youth, third eye blind, oasis, goo goo dolls, tonic, weezer, marcy playground, del amitri, gin blossoms, live, better than ezra, smashing pumpkins, pearl jam, bush, silverchair, blind melon, soundgarden, alice in chains, everclear, soul asylum, mad season, red hot chilli peppers, stone temple pilots, incubus, foo fighters, green day, U2, presidents of the usa, korn, nirvana, rage against the machine, collective soul, suede, cake, edwin mccain, alanis morrissette, aerosmith, REM, the wallflowers, the cranberries, frente, the cardigans, mono, duran duran, portishead, screaming trees, the lemonheads, beck, mudhoney, supergrass, love battery, mother love bone, temple of the dog, green river, semisonic, ugly kid joe, jane's addiction, why, are, you, reading, this?

we don't need no education.

i am so sick!

one year ago, they were suspended for two weeks after the authority discovered that the factory didn't meet the expectations in respect of hygiene and cleanliness. and two weeks that was all.

no follow-ups whatsoever. then, a few days ago, it was asked to cease operation for another two weeks. but this time the factory managed to be even more filthier than your maggot-infested rubbish chamber. still, two weeks only.

attached to the report is the reference from Section 13B, Food Act 1983 which offers fine of a mere RM 50, 000.00 (does not exceed) and maximum 8 years in the pen.

people were consuming without any doubt previously. since almost everything now is very convincing with all that packaging and stuff, should we bother to have the tiniest doubt? and now, you can hear various types of stories.

i can only sigh. whilst you're enjoying that fish balls, don't be surprised to know that you're actually eating the hairy testicles of a weird creature from kathmandu.

walls and bridges

i haven't got the slightest idea of how does our judicial system work previously and presently. in fact i do not have the slightest interest also. only, i stumbled upon an article in wikipedia about an incident somewhere back in 1988. it says, 1988 malaysian constitutional crisis. well, if you're reading this blog to ensure that it does not inflict any leftist element, you can exhale. i'm just sharing what i've read. all i can say, that was a dramatic period leading UMNO to be disbanded and the formation of a party in the spirit of the year UMNO was born, 1946.

and another interesting story of late is the admission of one datin due to a cosmetic surgery gone bad. she is now in a coma, on a life support as the heart rate keeps fluctuating. what a world. we have our own hollywood community. cher shouldn't be feeling so bad about whatever she did to her body. she's not alone.

met my longtime buddies, jimmy and nuar. classmates back in SA circa 1998. they were doing some footage-shooting here in jb. i can't help not to reminisce the good old days, in the arms of JD, girls and Dr Greenthumb. those were the days. i've had my share and i'm relieved.

you're the company that you keep

a definite maybe translates insecurity. insecurity will eventually fade your self-confidence. losing your confidence means withdrawing from the crowd. and being reserved is to approach the magnetic depression. depression holds a possibility of committing suicide. committing suicide, outside from japan, equals to being a loser. and to sum it up, it is not worth any bit of it.

i'm not a spiritual guru of any kind. i just thought that these behaviors are normal. not that committing suicide part, mind you. i mean, that sensation from happiness or even sadness is a normal body reaction. an approval or rejection however solely depends on the childhood upbringing, and the rest is genetics.

me myself, still thought that we need more love. i honestly and obviously need that. we can't act merely from listening to songs about getting together, not being alone or whatever shit that pop commercials been feeding us with.

love yourself, love your parents, love your family and friends and their families. like that "pay it forward" concept. then i'm sure all of us will be blessed with the love of God.

the fourth thursday

i was posting an entry this morning when we experienced a sudden, short-lived power search. with a big sigh, i went next door looking for a new tie. what an excuse. guess i'm a bit sleepy. i bought a rainbow-colored tie.

cloverfield is an OK movie. it was, what's the word dave? nauseating, i think. handheld camera shots for like half an hour, rest a bit and another half an hour. it's like watching freak of nature on a fishing boat. elizabeth mcintyre played by miss odette yustman is sweeeeettah!

i'd prefer sex than watching a regular football game(exception for world cup and euro). jas, i'm sure you're with me man.

talk shows on mute

i remembered watching an episode of ellen the other day. she wasn't with anne heche. she was talking to the audience about her having her own talk show. oprah did it first, then martha, then tyra, then everyone including herself. are we watching talk shows on a daily basis? is it a cool thing or shall we wait for the performing artiste of the day then switch to something else? i don't know. i just watch when there isn't anything else on tv.

ellen said that the show is there simply because people are listening, willingly. do you know that there are crews holding a "LAUGH NOW" and "CLAP NOW" cue signs at some point of the show so that it'll appear lively and vibrant and all that shit. and she's saying "because people are listening".

so i figured that i could write a book. a book about my daily routine or maybe about "how to write a book" stuffs. the content however will not revolve around A-Z steps to write a book but simply, the process of writing the book.

i shall start with something like, "today, just like any other day. i recalled the same shit, different day quote from one alien movie. so the day seems right. i now have the basic idea for my epilogue and i should jot it down because i'm a forgetful being. kate knows that..."

then i'll divert the reading towards the life of kate, an imaginary character. that should take up 20% of the book. can you imagine reading something like that?

the same goes to all those talk shows. such a waste of time.

look. don't see.

a decent melody that i've been humming around the whole day wasn't likely to make it to the rick dees weekly top 40 but i'm kinda feeling good today. not really happy, just good. i feel like a healthy person with a healthy loving wife waiting at home, to copulate so that both of us will have a healthier life.

i saw many things lately. the world is getting sicker day by day, little by little. though i'm one of those "f**k it, i don't care" persons, it seems like the farther you think you're running away from it, the closer you're getting to it. so close you can smell the filthiness under the sugarcoated breaths. and you ended up having the shit smacked right in your face. them people should smoke some weed occasionally i think.

fell on black days by soundgarden still serve as my perfect reminder. i can get myself to think that it always isn't so bad and rationalising my evil mind, though devilish, i'm just a human being. i just need more education, on the disadvantages of pre-marital sex.

friends don't let friends

is this the one?

wira replacement model (wrm). quite ok. a baby saloon like toyota vios and it'll cost not more than 40k. i hope that "looks can be deceiving" does not apply here.

Bill-paying 101

i took a day off to settle all past due bills and summons. you read it right, summons! big hole in my pocket for that. and as i was so determined to get things done that day, i glanced at my wristwatch to find that i'll be racing against time. it's already 4.10pm and i have another one to go. knowing that having a friend behind that counter might come in handy, i started walking to the bank.

4.18pm. at the bank.
obviously, the door was closed with some snoop-dogg-chains wrapped around the handle. i saw this friend of mine and dialled. bugger was so occupied and left the phone ringing. so i started waving like a monkey in a zoo asking the audience for more bananas. a guy seated next to the entrance said, "go home. it's closed already la". i said,"screw you". he didn't notice. no, i didn't say that. so, a friend of this friend of mine pointed to the security door on the far right of the bank. i know cause i'm a frequent user of that door. and i walked to that door to find it unlocked.

4.25pm. the incident.
was it three steps? i can't recall because not long after entering that door, a guy or the GUARD himself was flabbergasted to see me walking like nobody's business inside the bank. at 4.26pm.

he yelled at me with a capital S. "Stop!". "Where do you think you're going?". me, in a joey from friends-like behavior said, "i'm here to meet J**I*". "wait, i'll ask him first". my friend was like "yeah, he's a friend". i smiled and continued approaching the counter. once finished, he said, "he has authorisation to shoot you""don't do that again". i said, "yeah, ok" (my "whatever" is a near-whisper).

i whistled. apologised to that guy. he didn't smile. i'm sure he'll die early.

mission accomplished.

twothousandeight

i was having dinner with mom when someone texted me with that question. resolution question. boring. nonchalantly i replied, i'm not interested in living in an army-like landscape. and because she said that it's good with something to do with discipline and some counselling bollocks, i told her that i just don't plan my life. that was the end of that sms-ing session.

i remembered wanting to improve my fitness and gain more pounds last year. that was simply because everyone else is like telling everyone else about his/her resolution and me being part of the socially-acceptable crowd just trying to be a good sport. me, i can't have a resolution because it wouldn't do me any good. i need a far greater force than just a resolution to motivate my lazy ass.

and today is the first day of the year. the year of the rat. i just think that i'll be needing more money, some injection of seriousness in my work, good food, new clothes and some other tiny little things. that's not a resolution because it's something that people do everyday. is that right?

is resolution something big, significant, new and good in nature?
and it only qualifies if you share it on new year's eve?

whatever. the new proton is niceeee!!

i'm feeling green today.

Good Riddance (Time Of Your Life)

Another turning point
A fork stuck in the road
Time grabs you by the wrist
Directs you where to go
So make the best of this test
And don't ask why
It's not a question
But a lesson learned in time
It's something unpredictable
But in the end is right
I hope you had the time of your life

So take the photographs
And still frames in your mind
Hang it on a shelf of
Good health and good time
Tattoos of memories
And dead skin on trial
For what it's worth
It was worth all the while
It's something unpredictable
But in the end is right
I hope you had the time of your life

if i have you

i'm here but out of place
not if i have you

i'm listening but i'm not here
not if i have you

i'm laughing but i'm bored
not if i have you

but if i have you
will you be there for me?

but if i have you
will you walk with me?
and make me proud?

but if i have you
is all i want?

deadline

even though the moment passed us by

even though the light faded in the sky
i want to be there with you
i want to come home to you

can we just run away?

Run Away

"Looks like I've lost my will to carry on, my friend" she said
And you can hear it in my whispered cries for love
I need your blissful touch to carry me away again
So can we roll tonight, roll through your desert, can we start over and just...

(chorus)
Run away, run away tonight
It aint no victory, but I don't care, I don't care if its wrong or right
We can just run away, run away tonight
It aint no victory but I don't care, I don't care if its wrong or right

"Looks like I've lost my will to carry on, my friend" she said
I'm like a posse that's been ridin' for days
I've got the scars to prove that love has had its day and it's way with me
So can we roll tonight, roll through your desert, can we start over and just...

This ain't no night to be on your own
You've got to know where you're coming from
To know just where you're goin', lord
You've got to know where you're coming from
This ain't no night to be on your own

Run away
Run away
Run away

tangled

on a friday. the first no rain friday. it's weird. now that the sun is shining brightly, i'm yearning for the sky to start raining again. i feel like getting wet. as if the rain would wash away everything from me and my clothes. and my heart. my black heart.

the transition phase, although repetitious, appeared to be difficult. you've been in that shoes and down that road and still, it will always be difficult to talk the language. the language you once taught others to speak. suddenly, you stopped reading the book of life when you finally realised that actually you're now on the same page with others. others as in someone close to you.

and with that, you settled at having wishes as you feel that you're in no position to do anything. it's beyond you and your so-called wittiness.

wishlist is fun. getting it or hoping to get it, isn't.

the only direction is down

the rain makes you sweat

went watching i am legend last nite. a movie which should've ended otherwise. the prota should live to see what a significant change he made. the word legend in the title shall be removed and who cares if there'll be no immediate legacy. they're burning down the cinemas now in india.

you don't have to have the sixth sense to notice the change in human behavior at this time of the year. the absence of rationale and the depth of depression. after all, lunatic comes from the word lunar. and uncircumsized kid knows that lunar has got something to do with the moon. apart from the luna water colour. and you always gets horny when the moon is full? no coincidence there, really. have we discussed this? no? hmm...we did.

a cynical bastard

short on words. long on things to say. what am i to do?

this is what i've been longing to do. writing something really short and let you think whatever you think that i'm letting you think. it's something like "knowing you, i know that you don't actually know what i think you should know" "but i know, you do know that i know just everything that you know i should know".

road movie, hippie chic and an american dream

eddie vedder collaborated with sean penn for the soundtrack of into the wild. inspiring road movie adapted from a book of the same title. nice songs. and that wolf song will haunt you more should nusrat fateh ali khan is still around.

i wonder what it'll be like to have a hippie chic as your partner. would it be cool? not that chic from forrest gump, if that's what you think i'm referring to. would it be like a love-hate relationship or like that husband and wife in sonic youth? sharing the same passion, enjoying every bit of it and us-against-the-world mindset. one would simply wave his/her middle finger on behalf of the other. emm, that's more like kurt and courtney. not a good one.

is it mere stubbornness or they're just being adventurous? i'm thinking of the whole idea of the so-called american dream. they have a reputation of being stupid when it comes to this. idealistic.

look at the above image. i hate it when they put big, flashy tv (as to outshine the operator next door, who in turn will buy a bigger set). showing music videos or whatever and put it on mute. excuse me mr, do we look like a chaplin to you?

rain down, rain down

we're either frustrated or disappointed by now. it's the end of the year. it's december. i can feel the connection between the month and feeling suicidal or murderous. why do you think that black guy from lighthouse family sang "though it's darker than december, what's ahead is a different colour"?

december is all dark, rainy, humid and gloomy. i love that sinking feeling when i was left stranded years ago at shah alam. with only enough rice and onions. and i braved two days eating the aforementioned while listening to smashing pumpkins' adore. long story short, it was in december.

someone committed suicide last tuesday. opposite my tower, spitting distance from jas's. i have the video but the point is, it's december. why can't he do it in june or may? he, the deceased, knows.

khai, on the other hand is also kind of disappointed (for-reasons-only-god-knows-why). jas also. and i thought, this is when people would spend their time writing or painting a masterpiece. it's coming your way mr khai. jas, you hang in there.

did you know that november rain was actually written during the rainy season, in december. slash was so pissed drunk and mr axl experimenting with emm, cigarette laced with some rubbing alcohol.

ok, i made that up. man, it's december. we can't think straight with all the raining and shit.

one love...and is all that we need

we were at sucasa, right at jalan ampang on that historic day. barricade has been put up the night earlier. cops were everywhere. as we're driving on the highway, armies of barefooted nigga with head gears and stuffs was everywhere. shops were closed, the streets were deserted. it was as if the time stopped.

is all that necessary? is that what our fathers would want to see us be? too many questions and too many left unanswered. there's an English quote i saw recently saying that human being can be much more worst than an animal. even more dangerous. especially with all that shit boiling under. (sigh in disbelief).

peace, love and understanding

Peace, Love & Understanding

As I walk through
This wicked world
Searchin' for light in the darkness of insanity.

I ask myself
Is all hope lost?
Is there only pain and hatred, and misery?

And each time I feel like this inside,
There's one thing I wanna know:
What's so funny 'bout peace love & understanding? ohhhh
What's so funny 'bout peace love & understanding?

And as I walked on
Through troubled times
My spirit gets so downhearted sometimes
So where are the strong
And who are the trusted?
And where is the harmony?
Sweet harmony.

'cause each time I feel it slippin' away, just makes me wanna cry.
What's so funny 'bout peace love & understanding? ohhhh
What's so funny 'bout peace love & understanding?

abuse me more i like it

i'm abused. stripped away from the convenience of having an internet connection. funny, ridiculous and whatever shit i'm feeling at the moment couldn't hold back the temptation to leave the company very, very soon.

you just couldn't believe it. we're walking against the stream. we're still in the era when sigmund freud hasn't discovered the principles of communication, let alone the significance of it. i feel no longer attached. no more sentimental value and all that emotional sickness.

i can't update my dear friends. it's not like i'm trying to have an online petition to put a pressure to my HR Dept. so that they will have mine reconnected. all i know, they've just crossed the line.

soundtrack for mira nair's kama sutra

i don't know anything

oh how i wish
how i wish you were here
you were here when i first cry
you were here when i first feel love
you were here when i first feel pain
oh how i wish

oh how i wish
how i wish you were here
you were here when i first smile
you were here i first feel happy
you were here when i first make love
oh how i wish

cha-cha

i was down at the new amsterdam. staring at this yellow-haired girl. mr jones strikes up a conversation with this black-haired flamenco dancer...mr jones by counting crows.

flamenco dancer. shiny, black hair. bright, red lips in a sexy and appealing red dress. legs, sure they have beautiful legs.

gypsy kings rules!..haha...

before and after

celine> I had worked for this old man and once he told me that he had spent his whole life thinking about his career and his work. And he was fifty-two and it suddenly struck him that he had never really given anything of himself. His life was for no one and nothing. He was almost crying saying that.

jesse> I don't know, I think that if I could just accept the fact that my life is supposed to be difficult. You know, that's what to be expected, then I might not get so pissed-off about it and I'll just be glad when something nice happens.

that's an excerpt from before sunrise. a movie i should've watched before before sunset. too many things to say about the movie and just too many new discoveries.

one thing about ethan hawke is, you won't get distracted easily. i mean, his facial expression resemble someone who's been through a lot and couldn't be bothered if there's more coming his way. that depressed, hopeless slacker type.
try great expectations and reality bites. also, both abovementioned titles. you'll get what i mean.

and i've just discovered that i've been thinking too much about everything when i actually shouldn't in the first place. after all, life is what you make it. what matters most is to keep doing anything that makes you happy. no guilts and no regrets.

like i always thought, "wouldn't it be nice if i could just sit around once a week, maybe. i'll have strong, black coffee and my camels. then i'll have chris cornell in the background to accompany me during the sunset or whatever".

wouldn't it be nice?

harry pothead and the gardening habit

why can't i find anything like this here? or was it hidden? do i have to ask for assistance?

and does it include batteries? err, sorry plants..

i'd rather smoke and fly

back in 98, jas & co used to spend a lot of time at my place. so we had tequila at times and weed all the time. there's something which he wrote that goes something like this. "why drink and drive when you can smoke and fly?". don't ask. he was high then, of course..hehe..

well, that photo above is a beer-making machine i got from gizmodo.com (a site dedicated to disclosing and reviewing the latest gadgets and gizmos in the pipeline).

to jas>>>and don't tell that you don't want one.

rain falls on everyone

the photo was taken about four years ago, if i'm not mistaken. we were having a barbecue night out with friends from school. colorful night i must admit. i was halfway there when i decided to play some songs. and to be honest, i couldn't really recall most of the things i said or did that night.

we had too much of almost everything that night. too much food, too much booze and also too much weed. still it is considered as one of the best moments of my not-so-interesting life. i remember waking up feeling sick next to a high school friend. i must've vomitted my liver and with an aching head, mumbling in a desperate need for water and food.

those were the days. i'd prefer to remember it as a special get-together. and since 2008 means we're celebrating the 10th year anniversary, i'd like to propose a family-oriented event to commemorate it.

any ideas?

worn down by worry

is this my dream job? is this want i want to do really? is it right to be thinking about it in the first place? that was all the questions popped in my head this morning. ensued by a long sigh.

i had a late breakfast after a brief discussion with our team. by the time i'm walking down to the food court, that "what the fuck am i doing here?" question surfaced. i feel like someone waiting to die. that breakfast routine is just to fill in the blanks so that i won't be thinking about my death. that's bad.

i think i need a new job. or maybe some challenges. or perhaps, simply a change. when you feel too complacent at this age after a long holiday, you ought to start doing something about it.

comments anyone?

the space, the land and the sea

the space.

and now we have an astronaut. our very own, malaysian astronaut. positively, i must say it's an achievement. forget the bollocks like "it is perfectly orchestrated. the election is around the corner thus securing a majority votes for the ruling party". is it so? shouldn't we spend that much as to put our country on the world's map?. datuk shahrir said that he is positive too but still the idea of pursuing the programme by sending the 2nd man should be given a thorough research. to assume that our people didn't really care about the money is not a bad idea at all. we love these kind of things and everybody knows it.

the land.
malaysia lost again. read my lips, i said malaysia not myteam2. why? isn't it that obvious that myteam2 is just another reality show? they have all the corporate, big players sponsoring while having the show aired on tv3. i've seen an episode. one look and i know right away how dramatic the show is. since they are playing against indonesia, them capitalist failed to notice or maybe it was their utter ignorance that the team is representing malaysia. thus it translated our level of professional football. is there such thing like building a dream team with such ample fitness and ability to play as a real team just within a month? and letting them carrying our flag? hmm...

the sea.
i'm so sorry about the ferry incident. that was bad and the worst part, it was avoidable. i hate the fact that a few weeks after the incident, we published a manual on safety procedure and blah-blahs on dos and donts while onboard. first buses, ferries and many more. what are we doing since an approximate 30% of our income derived from the tourism sector? stop talking about crisis management. if we are ready and we've taken all preventive measures, what is there to manage?

yesterday's headline.
i hate politics and hate to write about it but have you guys heard about the report ACA is preparing? a few ministries involved + millions of ringgit.

O mr ACA, please do your job. For thee is the only hope!

computer collo

lol.
it's everywhere. so in order to satisfy myself, i went around searching for the actual meaning for this computer slang. here's what i found.

It's original definition was "Laughing out loud" (also written occasionally as "Lots of Laughs"), used as a brief acronym to denote great amusement in chat conversations.

Now, it is overused to the point where nobody laughs out loud when they say it. In fact, they probably don't even give a shit about what you just wrote. More accurately, the acronym "lol" should be redefined as "lack of laughter."

but i must agree with the author's remarks. the "lol" is just way too overused that the actual meaning or expression sunk. i also come across the slang accompanied with a wink. wtf?

conversation #1
a>i'm horny and i can't help fantasizing about my neighbour.
b>lol.

conversation #2
a>do u know that the notorious al capone died of herpes instead of a drive-by shooting?
b>lol.

so i decided that the lol is actually just a sentence-filler. no rules. just use it.

lol.

(shit!)

you can't have it all

it was still dark when i went out for work. i put on the used. one of those cds in my possession but not sure when will i be listening to their thing. so it was also still dark in the office. arriving early is my personal achievement every single time and a surprise to them. every single time. them are those not getting love letter from the folks in HR. and i thought what better to listen to when everything is dark. melancholic, violin shit music.

so above is what our graphic designer did for allusers@_ _ _ _.com.my greeting of the year. far right is the new guy. he's definitely in his mid-life crisis.

it's four more days to hari raya. i'd rather not think about what will happen right after this hari raya. two weeks after to be exact.

we're having a buka puasa session with the press people today. you have no idea how important that is if you wonder why do we have to spend so much on dinners and all that shit for them.

wanker!

p/s : i suppose i should've heard or knew about murphy's law at this age. but no, i've just discovered it. only recently. and i hate traffic jams even more ever since.
this lane is faster that the other one and in an instant, it stopped moving. then, you'll have to bear the smiling faces from the next lane, throwing that achievement look to you. shit!

original prankster

the japs lost. latinos got crazier pranks dude!

heart of the matter that matters

when i first received the video, all i could expect is something indecent or something that would decrease the amount pahala i'm supposed to get..hehe..

i'll tell you about the beauty of Ramadan. i thought i didn't know or even bother about it previously. not until 6 or 7 years ago. or was it 3? whatever. this month is so beautiful that you'll shed a tear or try hard to hide it when it ends.
Lailatul Qadar. The Night. the much-awaited, sought-after night. nobody knows when it's going to be the night. hidden in the last ten days of Ramadan. that's tomorrow.

my mum told me a story the other day about an incident somewhere in the 60's. she was pregnant. my bro. life was so difficult they have to tap rubbers. so she went out in the wee hours of the morning. alone, mind you. so one not-so-fine morning, she was out in the woods and riding next to the tree lines. all of a sudden, she saw a spheric thing emitting radiant green lights moving down the valley right in front of her. about 100 yards. frightened (as everyone would, i suppose), she performed the azan. then, the thing disappeared. the wind blew hard that the headlight extinguished. with no matches, she sat down waiting for the morning sun.

and that was when she saw something similar to what being told in the Quran. all creatures will bow down on the night of Lailatul Qadar. that's exactly what she saw. all trees surrounding her bowed down in the direction of Baitullah surely, but she couldn't understand why then. too amazed.

p/s : back to the video. that's kinda cool. that guy is no picasso. and he's not gay i'm sure.

donate!

monthly expenditure on the average.

myr12.00 for public toilets.
myr 75.00 on cigarettes.
myr 36.00 on condoms.
myr 280.00 on rooms.
myr 90.00 on wasted foods.
myr 75.00 on wasted gas for unproductive purpose.

and someone, somewhere out there never thought of having any, let alone all of the above. so let's do our bit. no matter how bad we are or how penny-pinching we have become, please donate. i can assure you, it feels good. it's good to know that your bit will make a difference in the lives of others.

regardless of the colors, languages or even borders, this is planet earth. it is our planet. for us, humans.

you can go now.

ASS-afternoon sleepy syndrome

friday nite. despite the fact that we need to conserve the energy to survive the wrath of the burning sunlight, our team were transported to pasir gudang after tarawikh. for those not in the know, pasir gudang is a booming industrial area and tarawikh is a prayer specially performed during ramadhan.

sometimes it's scary though. kind of suicidal in a way, i think. imagine stranded in the middle of an industrial area with all those hazardous chemicals and god-knows-what-else materials with only one escape route. last year's major fire incident was a reason i'm having second thoughts in buying a house in PG.

so we were there to finalise on the launching ceremony of an anchor tenant, to be inaugurated by the mecd's minister. screeched to a halt at 2am. and after the event, i slept my way to 5pm.

the day after, small gathering with schoolmates. slept at 2+am again. woke up at 6pm. what in the world is happening to my sleep cycle?..whatever cause i'm enjoying it..hehehe...

message #1 >> thanks dave, come over..we'll play meriam buluh...
message #2 >> restoran anggun is only good for its "tomyam chiang rai". period.
message #3 >> i never thought hassan miskam is a good subject. well, it is!

and a technical staff from air asia said something like this, "that 737 is not really safe. there's always something leaking and errors on the hydraulics part. thank goodness they are replacing it with a320". and i've travelled several times on that goddamn plane this year!

environMENTALLY-friendly

fight your inner demon

5 down, 25 to go. today is the 6th day of ramadan. the test had begun in such a beautiful weather. not so hot and cold either. paradiso perdutto. and still i couldn't find a solid reason of why an adult (weighing over 80kg) failed to fast on the 2nd day. what? 2nd day? (cheh!).

this year, i don't feel the usual crave to smoke. in fact, it has been handled effortlessly. i don't think i'm handling it at all. nor i'm thinking of quitting, just cutting down (please refer khai's recent post on a similar subject, vividly describing the amount decreased. i say, "yeah, whatever man""you'll miss them and you know it so save a pack in your drawer, you'll never know when you really gonna need them"....>laughing<.....).

i had my freedom at last. it was my first weekend of not having to come to work. that has been translated into sleeping until 2.33 in the afternoon. lovely!

it was a very a long time since i last watched anything funny like wild hogs. now where the hell is will ferrell?

territorial pissing

we have just shifted to a newly-renovated office. i'm having a difficult time digesting the fact that finally we all are accumulated together on the same floor. not really the kind of concept i'm looking forward to be adapted into. reasons being :-

our dept has a very unique collection of deaf people. we talk like wet market traders and laugh like nobody's business. we smoke right at our desks after office hours. we will play a few songs accompanied with two guitars almost everyday. we think that everyone else (anyone not from the dept) carries a different flag. and that's just a start.

the worst part is :- no more music videos (let alone loud music from the mp3 playlist), no more decent pornography (if there is any) and no more jamming session. that's for sure.

my desk is now L-shaped. stretch both your arms in a shape of T and that's how big it is. the angle of the monitor is even worst. it is easily visible from my boss's room and our senior manager whose cubicle is perfectly placed next to my boss's.

what a wonderful world.

stunned

sunday. i had since friday monitoring and coordinating promotional activities in conjunction with 50th merdeka anniversary celebration. and on sunday, finally i had the chance to spend quality time with my friends. shopping, thing that i've been putting on hold for months deliberately due to various reasons, finally surfaced.

bought damien rice's 9. man, all this while i thought that thom yorke is the most depressed man on the face of the planet. "the animals were gone". beautiful! also, got myself a maroon 5 and a corgan's solo offering.

nightmares. stage 4. no REM though. just ghosts, flood and armageddon. i like the flood part. cause that means, as someone said, i'm going to be rich...haha....gotta remember to wash my feet.

indie

brilliant

no explanation needed.

filter

national day is approaching which means we're going to be very busy doing a themed-celebration at all our centres. several programmes, many meetings, appointments, travelling, reports and presentations. god, i really need a break.

thank goodness, it's wednesday. what's showing now by the way?

what have i been up to for the past few weeks? well, too many things. just too many. went to KL and back two times last week. that will explain a lot, won't it?

scott called the other day. not surprised though. met the guy last month and he looked good. i was invited to a product-launching ceremony down at his place. introducing some MLM-structured thingy. first ever in JB. maybe he wanted to make a millionaire out of me. thanks man but....i'm just too busy now. appreciate though.

lemau made me wait a wonderful twenty minutes in front of xtra. parked my car next to a fireplace, it's hungry ghost festival i think, watching people burning hell notes and incenses. slept at 12-ish am and i'm late again for work this morning.

Message>>>There's nothing about racism thingy here in Johor. words spreaded like wildfire saying that there's a situation here. nope. nothing. someone, somewhere gotta gain or lose by doing this but i say it's our 50th national day anniversary. grow up, be wise and go read about Defamation Act 1957.

no mercy

please be careful of pre-approved credit card. why? i'll tell you why.

last year, i received a call from a credit card centre. this guy informed me to come and collect my cards. i said cards because they pre-approved 3 cards for me. i've been brought up with many interesting stories of previous victims so i wasn't very excited back then.

mistake.
and so i managed to be very reluctant about it. i gave various excuses to avoid collecting it. and finally on one stormy afternoon, two guys came to the office. they braved the heavy downpour just to come and send me the cards. i was stunned and surely found no escape route. point blank. i took all the cards, signed with a thought that this might come in handy one day. that's the mistake.

aftermath.
i cancelled the amex and mastercard. left with only a visa, i thought well it can't be that bad. swipe, fill up the tank, drive home and return for a refill every other week. one day, it says "declined". s**t!!
day after day, statement after statement and i haven't paid a single cent since january. last week, while in vain looking for some extra cash as i need to attend a course in KL, i can't withdraw my money.

"we haven't received anything since january, so all remaining balance in your account will be transferred as a minimum payment for your credit card and we will activate it back in a few days time".

wasn't that amazing?

pull me out from the wreckage

i'll face the music
even if i know it will make me sick
i'll stand up proud
even if i feel alone in the crowd
i'll get down on my knees
even if i'm aware of all the risks
i'll dance to your tune
even if i'll be losing the moon

this voice is not my choice
what i choose is what i lose
am i a fool?
just another tool?

i'm a freeman but i'm lost.


*a bull in a china shop full of heart-shaped boxes.

kooler shaker

sumptuous dinner yesterday. ten of us went to dataran bandaraya. that far end shop, famous for its "ikan bakar", brilliantly-named "tip-top ikan bakar". mr jimmy aka godfather treat us with, let me recall...

i) ikan pari bakar
ii) ikan kembung bakar
iii) sate ayam
iv) siput sedut
v) sotong sambal
vi) kerang rebus and whatever else.

after one real heavy downpour, seafood is the best. ensued by strong black coffee. voila!

i hope it rains today.

weirdo

sometimes it's a burden. sometimes it's an outlet. but today i think it is just something else.
that's my blog. somehow i feel obliged to write something. at times, i thought it would be wise to keep it all to myself. that's not wise. not until yesterday.

i attended a course on EQ. the list of names submitted to attend the course, well i can't be sure if it was intentional or out-of-randomness. whatever it is, all my colleagues thought it's a funny thing and laughing and i couldn't help but to let them be.

it was good though. no, it was fantastic. we had a workshop-like class. hilariously funny if you open up to whatever to come along. imagine being stuffed inside a room with 20 ladies (an average of 70% of the participants are ladies and they are all in the midst of battling mid-life crisis, menopause and whatever happens to the moon will do to them). at first, i anticipated that i'll end up in a body bag after the first coffee break. well i didn't.

we had so much fun. that was very good.

i'm having fun with people my mother's age.

open for closing address

went for a meeting this morning. again. and "why am i not surprised?", i asked myself. gonna have another meeting at 2.30pm. will be chaired by our GM.

shrunk.

blinding lights

as i couldn't really sit and and watch and focus on anything which might require certain attention, i did it at night. spent more than three nights (it's early morning to you normals). a pack of cigarettes, black coffee and i-hate-my-life-attitude. that's all you need. that's when i really discovered that mario puzo's godfather is a great film. my kind.

i'm a self proclaimed King of All Awkward Moments. when to Cathay with Homer all over my head, i bumped into someone whose presence was (long story short, what the fcuk is she doing there.....i know damn well it's a public place , asshole!)....that was when the awkwardness sets in.

i know something amiss about myself if i sub-consciously put seven-in-a-row songs of damien rice in my playlist. followed by gavin degraw and then chris cornell's unplugged.

gotta rush to persada johor. sent to participate in a workshop. hopefully, hot, young journalists are there to entertain me.

"let meeeeeeee entertain yaa!!"

en route to nowhere

i'm tired. i'm tired. i'm tired. i might end up hallucinating a girl coming up to my office, performing an explosive oral sex and thank me gratefully when she's done. am i on drugs? no i'm not. i'm just tired. i'd rather be thinking about anything strictly unproductive just to loosen up a bit. and that's when i thought sex is the subject to be. oh wait, i didn't even think or blink about it. it will always be about it, right?

pervert? call me what you will. when you're tired, i mean as in really tired, you just couldn't be bothered with what the others might think about you. i wouldn't say things like those idiota ICP said though. "f**k the world". rant, rant, rant. bla, bla, bla.

i missed my weekends. i missed my dvd-watching, lazy sunday afternoon. i missed everything about it. as for now, too many things to take care of and yet i took a detour in bloggerland. not much though.

till then.

love peace empathy. a la cobain.