tranquilizer

down.mellow.melancholy.sad.depressed.black bile.
sorrowful.bittersweet.miserable.gloomy

..and zillions other words to connote that particular state or condition.i don’t know man..sometimes i feel the urge to dampen myself. consistently indulge in a volatile mood. i know for a fact, i’m a bloody perfect melancholy. although often perceived as pop sanguine, deep down there i know that i am not. being a moody bastard that i am, surprisingly, i can always tolerate the sickening external influences, every time, all the time. i’m blessed man. with patience and tolerance. if not, my guilt will never escape unscathed. that’s me.

(to whom it may concern) I say, come and kiss my posterior cause I need that misery. just found out.it helps me to stand straight and proud beneath the crowd.strangely, i feel rejuvenated.i found my true self in there.

when i feel like i’m lost, i’ll get myself there.there there.i’ll get my own imaginary injection of imaginary adrenaline and face the music.that’s where i can get to push that “pause” button and listen to things like..

“my dear self, you’re now a bit off the track, get yourself back here”
“my dear self, you shouldn’t be doing/saying that.it might be consumed as “double entendre”, u never know”

and so on…i’m not sick. no schizophrenia or hallucination.i am in perfect shape. that’s my own, unique way of reminding myself.with all senses intact, surely.
close to myself that i can express through poems or songs or any medium, one good thing about it.
mmm, it seems like i have so many things to share today but i know, i can’t.time constraint. opening up is healthy, isn’t it?
Leave your comments as you wish.

You don’t want to be understood
Yeah, well I understand
Chris Cornell

perplexed in reverie

She said hello you said hi
She said go you said goodbye
She said no!, you asked her “why?”
“Haven’t we tried before not to ever lie”

You put up a show of when not to cry
“How would I know but this love must die”
Burnt to the core in a blink of an eye
She wanted more but too late in reply

That I love you so, let’s give it a try
Knock on my door, I’m about to come alive
Whatever you have in store, I’m here to buy
Whatever reasons it’s for, I’m here to comply

favorite playlist#1

nutshell>>>alice in chains
parachutes>>>pearl jam
dance with you>>>live
the blower's daughter>>>damien rice
once upon a time>>>smashing pumpkins
unintended>>>muse
when i'm down>>>chris cornell
drugs don't work>>>the verve
sullivan street>>>counting crows
sappy>>>nirvana

one of my fav playlists...while enjoying my rollercoaster ride plummeting to the downside...haha...

lovely sunday this is exactly

a boss is right even when he/she is wrong, is it?
not when he/she's making fun of your effort to change to become a better person
(we're of the same religion, God have mercy on her soul!)..
and you wonder why people are fighting despite of the common ground they're sharing..

went to KL yesterday..pool tournament (for the losers)..eventually lost two games to a nice, nerdy-but-determined chinese lad..i'll kill him on sight on my next trip!lunch at a restaurant serving phillippines' delicacies..better off with johor's own mee rebus..haha..played on our own for an hour..me, teamed up with our driver against fahmi with his friend..our driver is a family man and the only time he ever experienced the game of pool is like seconds before the game...we lost!

one week before ramadhan..counting down the days..no resolution or hope or fear..all i know, get through it.failing which...mmm, i'll keep it to myself...haha...

one man army

last week i went to scott's place for the heineken thirst studio party.it was ok and we had eddie (our schoolmate) coming all the way from KL, being a dedicated and reliable "dr greenthumb"..haha..fahmi was also there. made quite a number of friends.
as usual, some are just plainly artificial..

and two days ago, mr ohm came with his two east malaysia friends.we haven't seen each other since his wedding in march (is it march?)..brought them to hyatt.i managed to overcome my extreme crave for my double-mattress bed to actually drive up to Pasir Gudang as they're from the navy and need to be back in the ship before 1.30am.
(and that's why i didn't join mr ohm that "day").

the ship.it's huge.it's enormously gigantic man!...haha, i know but i've never seen such a ship from that distance. it was at the dockyard.being prepared for the upcoming journey to lebanon.bon voyage!

sailors are like irish.and if you don't drink, it's either you are very devoted or simply, gay..goes without saying that many would settle for the devotion thingy but we know they're not!...russel peters' dad once said, "indians should not be gay"..
i know, not under any circumstances that both stories are related but who cares?....
it's freaking hillarious man.russell peters rocks!!

check him out at youtube.com

Mr Bush Is A Nazi School Fairy

a crow left of the murder.
The first thing you should know about this Incubus song/album is that a flock of crows is called a "murder." So if you are a "crow left of the murder" you are the one that doesn't fly with the flock. Meaning, you are living your life for yourself instead of just following society.a leftist.

lesson : honest politician is an oxymoron.nuff said.

in fashion ..inspiration

the rebel, the quick and the dead

and so it is....just like you said it would be...

damien rice is a genius.though i know i can't be sure of that.perhaps it is just me.
but his personal songwriting is what i've been yearning for after alanis.nuff said, not gonna write anything else or republish the lyrics.go figure.

back in the office.funnily, i feel like going to the beach. walking on the white sands where the ocean meets the land.barefootedly exploring whatever yet to be identified.feel like enjoying the sunset.equipped with a guitar.just taught myself "the blower's daughter", obviously it gets heavy rotation on my playlist-of- the-week.melodramatic mode switched on.hehe.

just push pause.if that's the luxury that i'm blessed with.mmm, i think we're going too fast.nowhere fast to be exact.in my case, i feel like i'm forced against my own will to actually jump on the bandwagon.succumbed.redefining my interpretation of being successful is what i'm gonna do.i'm speaking for jass respectively..didn't i?

one more thing...look at this...
typical cycle>>
>school>university>job>marriage>kids>retirement>alone>six feet under

i'd love to break or reform but my own "search engine" is a bit too slow today...
haha....ciao!