how bad can it be?

everything went out of place the moment i decided to call it a day. all promotional events in which my blood, sweat and tears were put into tremendously, turned its back on me. last minute cancellation, overruled decisions and what not to ruin my 3-month-long preparation.

latest M3 in the pipeline

regret to forget

whistling on a mood swing

i've always whined. i'm a whiner. irritatingly annoying whiner. about myself, about you, about other people and their neighbours. recently, i found out that i'm a perfectionist. not just tiny, little perfectionist. i'm the reason they created that term. self-centered bastard.

i can't believe that i'm listening to REM's "Everybody Hurts" whilst posting this one. i can't believe that i could even paused to enjoy the realisation of myself noticing the act. i can't believe i'm allowing this in the first place. i'm obviously disturbed.

so many remorseful thoughts lingered around my head. i guess, no, i'm sure that i'm losing myself. i deserved this, i know that damn well.

there are times when i needed at least 10 minutes to register a surprising news, only to feel bad the moment everyone else having a toast over it.

today. today is the day. although it may sound a bit suicidal to your standards, worry not. i just need sometime alone.

now leave me alone.

1984

dreams #2

dreams

if i were a spanish
i'd dance to besame mucho under the moonlit sky
with girl of my dreams, hugging and kissing
while watching the world taking its last breath

if i were a spanish
i'd rather be don juan
demanding attention in the barrio
showering love in exchange of sorrow

supersuckers

i almost got into a fight yesterday. maybe i should've taken it easy. nevertheless, i'm still mad at those fellas.

movies. we average people are always considerate while enjoying a movie. we aren't supposed to and will never talk or shake our legs like there's a creature inside trying to bite off our dicks. but yesterday, i fell victim to one of those scumbags.

situation.
we had seen that "don't be fashionably late" advertisement and thought that the advertiser did that specifically to warn us. so we're 5 minutes early. three of us sat down enthusiastically waiting for the first glimpse of optimus prime. and i saw three guys right behind us chatting about the movie and something else of which a theatre doesn't seem to be the right platform for such.

the guy sitting on the far right obviously went in for his second experience of the movie. he was trying to be the storyteller to the rest of the company. what, was the other two that stupid? i don't know. however, that i can still tolerate.

his friend sitting behind me shook his legs once in a while. you have no idea how uncomfortable that can be. i made up my mind. the shaking eventually got in the way of my hard-earned concentration. that was it.

looking back while giving a cold, hard stare at them, i said "yo bro, what's with the shaking?". in the darkness of the theatre, i can see many heads turned to my direction. who the hell cares?. the guy replied (although i'm quite certain he heard me the first time) ,"what?". "your legs", i said. still staring at them. he leaned backward with a nod accompanied with a near-whisper "ok".

they behaved ever since. no sense of achievement though. i feel like crushing his legs under a steamroll.

maybe, those kids can't read the advertisement earlier. someone shall propose to have it in bahasa melayu. poor dropouts.

psycho

psychosocial development.
i can still remember how excited i was when it comes to attending that class. we would discuss on many theories. kohlberg, eriksson and of course, sigmund freud. i was also surprised to learn that human mind is a very complex yet beautiful organ. metaphorically beautiful.

beautiful.
god knows how subjective that is. i had a beautiful june this year. no weekends to spend with family and friends, high expectations from the non-realistic (so-called result-oriented) management, occasional fever and many other things. come july, there will be more and more things needs to be done. and yet, i feel nothing. weightless. free as a bird. it's difficult to express exactly how i felt but that was it. and i can sense something else. something new and foreign to my normal reactions.

reaction.
hopes and expectations. good and bad and the in-between.

do animals experience something called boredom?
"i'd rather be with an animal".pearl jam.

love battery

remembering roswell

i saw an article of the famous mythology this morning. the year was 1947. everyone suddenly claimed they had seen strange sightings. as usual, the media "helped" in many great ways.

a few days ago (if you think i saw one too, well, you can exhale now), while reading "deception point", mr dan brown actually discussed the very subject matter. roswell was merely uncle sam's top secret, highly-classified military test site.

very jewish. i don't know but that's what i thought. they claimed to possess technology so advanced, spanning a gap not less than 6 years than what being shown. but forget not, 1947 was a historical, turbulent year. they were spying on each other. and consistently finding better ways to do it.

project mogul as mr brown said it was titled, crashed on roswell's ground. before they could collect all the debris, a few farmers saw the strange-looking thing, made from materials they've never laid eyes on. and the rest is history. thanks to the media for exaggerating.

conclusion.
no physical evidence ever found to justify the existence of any extra-terrestrials being. but logically-speaking, i always believed that this universe is just too big for us alone. now would the always-super-advanced US provide us with some news? ....

"what is right is not always popular and what is popular is not always right"

no subject (it's subjective)