rage against the machina

Question : Is having a complicated life lovely?

Complicated life is a result of mixed-up collective ideas, if i may suggest.
Those mixed-up collective ideas are derived from intellectuality.
Intellectuality is a product of development fuelled by curiosity.
Curiosity killed the cat.
Cat is lovely.
Thus, having a complicated life is lovely.


somebody> which one is correct? remember that song "like a stone" by audioslave?
A>>>no room for love and emptiness
B>>>in a room full of emptiness (love the ironic value here!)

have yourself a merry little christmas.

cultural intrusion beneath the nation

i went to my company's family day last weekend. at Port Dickson. due to the road works along the highway, we were greeted with not less than 20km long of traffic jam. 3 different places. it took us 6 hours to get our asses down to PD. man, was that a shitty drive or what?

each sector has been given a mandatory order to perform onstage according to the list provided earlier. ours was to impersonate "the alleycats" and "m daud kilau". WTF?!!
i chose the alleycats. performed with a cowboy hat. no afros. not my kinda thing. a friend did an impressive impersonation of m daud kilau. we got away with the third prize.

climax.
that night. that very night. another sector performed a cultural, johore's very own traditional dance, ZAPIN. and so i sat there watching. in awe. what have i gotten myself into? where was i? and i suddenly remembered, kids of my age back then involved in various culture-related activities, while i'm watching in a manner as if i was born somewhere else. the thing i saw was very foreign to me back then. worst than watching a strip show (though i haven't seen one).

and that night i know how bad it has become. i was so busy listening to bands that i forgot to pause and dig my own beautiful culture. no, it's not wrong. i don't feel bad either. my point is, i should've been part of the activities as well. so that i won't feel so amazed while watching people performing my own cultural dance!

don't blame MTV. don't put your blame on anything. let's get involved. (learn to appreciate is the least that we can do).

well, it's raining again today.
i'm late for work again today.
don't blame it on the weatherman!

ass in the word "embarassed"

this morning, while discussing with a prospect tenant, my phone rang. 03-something...man, that was the credit card guy. damn!! after cleaning my throat in a very natural, unnoticeable manner...before that bugger on the other end could utter a word, quickly and firmly i said, "hello, i'm having a discussion. can i call you back later?"..."tooot!". hung up.

i don't really care about my current situation. i'm a freakin slacker. why the hell should i let myself be bothered with things like that? *sigh* ok, i lied. again.

this is like waking up on the first monday morning in January thinking "hey, one of these days, i'm gonna quit smoking and i'll get myself a nice, sweet, health-conscious (who could kill a smoker like me for free just for smoking in public) kind of girl to be my soul-mate" then after a while, you decided "fuck it, i really need to smoke now!" hopeless, fickle-minded asshole! i hate that feeling of inconsistency in my habits.

every afternoon, around 4pm onwards, city of Johore Bahru will imitate the industrial land of Glasgow. sad, gloomy sky + heavy downpour. let's find a park filled with willow trees swaying to the wind. let's listen to the dripping sound of rain on the tin roof. it's a celebration. a celebration of sounds. sounds of nature. soundscape. will i be sound asleep tonight? (where's my smashing pumpkins' CD?)....vamonos!

my dear defense mechanism

i've tried to enhance my super ego. how hard do i try? as my id is taking over in a speed of light, what about my super-vulnerable ego? i won't confuse myself. won't confuse my life. my only life.

well, although lies beneath are my fluctuating defense mechanism in various forms, is it "denial"? or is it "intellectualization"? man, darkness can never be measured. that is how difficult it can be to differentiate between denial and intellectualization.

the ego has landed?

Pleasure vs Reality Principles

The pleasure principle and the reality principle are two psychoanalytical terms coined by Sigmund Freud.

Respectively, the desire for immediate gratification versus the deferral of that gratification. Quite simply, the pleasure principle drives one to seek pleasure and to avoid pain. However, as one matures, one begins to learn the need sometimes to endure pain and to defer gratification because of the exigencies and obstacles of reality: "An ego thus educated has become reasonable; it no longer lets itself be governed by the pleasure principle, but obeys the reality principle, which also at bottom seeks to obtain pleasure, but pleasure which is assured through taking account of reality, even though it is pleasure postponed and diminished" (Sigmund Freud, Introductory Lectures 16.357).

a long december

A Long December

A long December and there's reason to believe
Maybe this year will be better than the last
I can't remember the last thing that you said as You were leaving
Now the days go by so fast
And it's one more day up in the canyons
And it's one more night in Hollywood
If you think that I could be forgiven...I wish you would
The smell of hospitals in winter
And the feeling that it's all a lot of oysters, but no pearls
All at once you look across a crowded room
To see the way that light attaches to a girl
And it's one more day up in the canyons
And it's one more night in Hollywood
If you think you might come to California...I think you should
Drove up to Hillside Manor sometime after two a.m.
And talked a little while about the year
I guess the winter makes you laugh a little slower,
Makes you talk a little lower about the things You could not show her
And it's been a long December and there's reason to believe
Maybe this year will be better than the last
I can't remember all the times I tried to tell myself
To hold on to these moments as they pass
And it's one more day up in the canyon
And it's one more night in Hollywood
It's been so long since I've seen the ocean...I guess I should

lethargic

lethargic
1. Lacking mental and physical alertness and activity: hebetudinous, sluggish, stupid, stuporous, torpid. Slang dopey.
2. Without emotion or interest: apathetic, detached, impassive, incurious, indifferent, insensible, listless, phlegmatic, stolid, unconcerned, uninterested, unresponsive.