human or dancer?

timothy leary, the deceased philosopher and creator of LSD once said that he was "an anonymous institutional employee who drove to work each morning in a long line of commuter cars and drove home each night and drank martinis...like several million middle-class, liberal, intellectual robots."

robots. i'm one of those. feed me my routine and i shall live like a robot. i wouldn't notice if i were to leave my brains at home.

so i heard a song like, "are human or are we dancers?". i know i'm a dancer. i don't really dance and i don't think i always face the music. i only dance to someone else's tune.

like that, "they say jump, you say how high?".

lucky you're in love with a bestfriend?

i wish for things to be simple. i wish i was a simpler person. i wish everyone was simple. and understanding too. i wish the past is not as important as the present. and the future is not something to be scared of. i wish for the future to be plain simple. relatively easy to deal with. i wish i could make it simpler. and easier too. for people around me. the significant other too.

i wish i was in my favorite jeans on a sunny sunday. i wish in my possession at any given time a pack of camel 14's. i wish nobody would ever say anything about the haze. and when my thoughts created all these multiple hazes in my head, i wish my thoughts wouldn't matter in any possible way too. then it would've been simpler for them.

i wish i was johnny depp getting a winona forever's tattoo. i wish i was that shy and dumb and honest. cause i want to be simple. i wish i am a simple person all my life. cause i don't want to know about your past. and i'm not going to worry about the future. all i want to be is plain fucking simple. i'm living the present.

we'll play it by ear tonight.

1. another day passed by. this ain't no regular thursday. it's the first day of 2009. twothousandnine, it feels kind of weird saying that. and not to anyone's surprise, i have my eve spent in bed. from the window panes i saw the fireworks display. not amused.

2. australia is a very good movie. after the first two hours (it's a 3-hour-long movie), normally i would've settled for a quick nap. however, the very good-ness of this movie is how australia itself being displayed to international viewers from rather a quite different perspective. i wonder when we could have our own movie about malacca pre-1511. i wouldn't mind an epic tale of a happy-ending-love story though. we need to show the world the richness of our culture, custom and all.

3. i could not, until this very day, understand why the world has kept silent over the Israel-Palestine issue. isn't it obvious that the Jews are violating every single international law? "council de securite" of UN? (f**k 'em!). and the worst part is, the whole arab league does nothing. UAE is busy with the tallest building and all that shit when they can at least provide some humanitarian aid to the women and children. i feel bad. even worst when the spiritual leader of Iran released a fatwa for jihad against Israel. to me, the UN is just a made-up forum. they want us to play by their rules when there are actually no rules stopping them. i would say, let's get back to the Holy Book of Quran, if i can make my voice heard.

accidents waiting to happen

a friend told me a story. the wife reminisced about his previous infidelity in a recent argument. stunned he was when he shouldn't. he was caught red-handed whilst enjoying the company of a young, attractive lady almost ten years ago. no problems with the marriage, it was their fifth year and the second child was months old, if i'm not mistaken. i couldn't understand why but he said, "you would never understand women".

since i wasn't in the capacity to comment from the perspective of a married man, i said, "do you know that women can always forgive, but they don't always forget?". i know it's true. i've had my share on this.

still, quoting from the book of tim allen. the guy explained the complexities of a relationship but provide no solutions. he said, men don't like to share their problems. they like to keep it to themselves and resolve it on their own. it's just their nature. they're born with it.

women, on the other hand would always expect their partner to be a good listener. so whenever a woman is having a problem, they can't wait to share it with the other half.

but forget not that men couldn't be bothered to ask, let alone being a good listener. to men (generally), it is all trivial. then the argument sets in. because women thought that we are being selfish (yes we are, at times). or men are insensitive (hmm..). worst, we are having an affair.

funny thing. right.

paranoid by a mistake to avoid

there are moments like waking up in the morning doing the routines, not getting your mind involved because it is not ready. or just too lazy to be involved. so you just do the usuals. the coffee, the tv and the fantastic nature of a seasoned couch. and lots of 90's in the playlist (in my case). well, i have in my possession quite a significant number of mp3 from the superb decade. and today the subject is the verve pipe. remember that killer song, the freshmen? truly, still get the chills.

When I was young and knew everything
And she a punk who rarely ever took advice
Now I'm guilt-stricken, sobbing with my head on the floor
Stop a baby's breath and a shoe full of rice

I can't be held responsible
Cause she was touching her face
I won't be held responsible
She fell in love in the first place

For the life of me I cannot remember
What made us think that we were wise and
We'd never compromise
For the life of me I cannot believe
We'd ever die for these sins
We were merely freshman

My best friend took a week's vacation to forget her
His girl took a week's worth of Valium and slept
Now he's guilt stricken sobbing with his head on the floor
Thinks about her now and how he never really wept he says

We've tried to wash our hands of all of this
We never talk of our lacking relationships
And how we're guilt stricken sobbing with our heads on the floor
We fell through the ice when we tried not to slip, we'd say

house is not always home.

walking. i love walking. i love to watch people walking. i love people-watching. do not underestimate the power of observation. and they say you can tell a lot from the way people walk. of late, i haven't been able to satisfy the crave to go people-watching. the rest of the week spent on house-scouting. yes, i'm looking for a house. signs of settling down? maybe. or maybe i know if i wait any longer, the financier will only consider a tenure of less than 30 years.

it's unbelievably true that the price of houses in JB has skyrocketed over the last 5 years. a 20x70 in skudai will have you considering selling off your precious liabilities. 180k, 240k, and sub-sale double-storey in mutiara rini is now 195k. and we bumiputra is now begging to buy a property. a scenario in which you know would be justifiable to shove your middle finger up the government's ass.

in pulai, 230k is the starting price for a linked house of 24x65. if you know where in the world pulai is, you'll instantly approve my hatred over the current administration.

congrats to kudin. so when is the housewarming scheduled for?

unscrupulous

first, Cheras. second, Putrajaya. then, went back to JB. after 3 days, Putrajaya. the same day, Damansara. the same day, JB. next day, afternoon, Shah Alam. next morning, Mid Valley. late afternoon, Damansara.

finally, JB. oh wait, not so fast. an asshole driving a white toyota wish failed to acknowledge the existence and significance of indicators while making a sudden right turn. do you know the sensation when you're doing like 130kph (on a ford ranger fellas) and an object suddenly appears right in front of your nose? exactly. my friend floored the pedal and we almost left an unintentional donuts on the highway.

and then when we thought that was all for us that day, we were wrong. lastly, stranded in simpang renggam at almost midnite. why? an important-looking rod beneath the vehicle we're travelling in broke. and we managed to entertain the highway users with the sparks produced. the collision of metal on the surface of tarmac shall produce sparks. (like the only thing i remembered from science class).

less than 10 minutes, friendly faces of PLUS arrived. first words, "we saw that". and then a tow truck (i know it's business but do you really have to smile? wanker!) that police said with a seasoned grin, "lucky you. should that rod find a spot to rest on the tarmac, the vehicle will become a turned turtle". "we went to collect a girl's head 50 metres from the scene last week".

they were very helpful (although i couldn't establish the importance of that decapitated body story). another lesson learned. moral > if you can't enjoy your food while in a car or something, maybe something isn't right about the suspension. buy yourself a citroen.

is this an appreciative audience?

i thought i've heard the saying that we would only appreciate anything the moment we loses it like a million times before. well the saying is true. precisely true. friend, family and foe. we would feel bad when we lost a friend, sad when one of the family members gone, or loses the grip and drown in complacence when there's no enemy.

and i strongly believe, despite the economic turmoil, the downfall of moralities, the increase of social illness and those epidemics, we are still lucky to have someone to turn to. my point is that i and my circle of friends (including you) are blessed. we are happy, with money, food and shelter. and friends. the beautiful people around us.

and now i'm singing "i could not ask for more".

tonight is the night

the air has never felt so warm
the sky has never looked this way before
there's nothing comforting in change
I can't seem to find any peace in this confusion

I can't help my mind from racing
and my heart is beating faster than ever before
tell me is this really happening
I cannot tell if I am dreaming

last night
I saw you standing in the moonlight
and you took my hand and we walked
beside the river
and you said
don't be afraid, be strong
I'm with you

I'm climbing on top of my doubt
don't let this fear
get the best of me
cause I find my confidence in you
and I find my hope
when I lose control

joshua from the album "unreleased" of lifehouse. one of the underrated bands. as usual.

moonchild

Follow your Grandmother Moon.
Her illuminating cycles will transform your spirit.
Begin with the Grandmother Moon at her brightest and most open.
This is a time of outward activity and high energy.
Sleep where the moonlight touches you.
Walk outside where there are no artificial lights.
Feel joy and creativity.
As the Grandmother begins to cover her face, begin to withdraw into a quieter, less social place. Move to that inward place that is more about "being" than "doing."
In the dark of the moon, when bleeding, the veil between you and the Great Mystery is the thinnest.
Be receptive to visions, insights, intuitions.
Go to a quiet separate place such as a Moon Lodge.
Later, come out of the dark, a woman with a cleansed body.
As the moon returns, come back out into the world, carrying your vision.

early menstrual rites were perhaps the first expression of human culture. you have just read one.

highway star

well, i've never felt like jumping on the bandwagon by wanting to drive one of these beauties. i've never felt like trying to prove anything either. also, i can only hope that someone my age being seen driving a BMW won't be mistaken as a crown prince or whatever from that pyramid/MLM thingy. all i ever wanted is to drive a coupe from the fleet of these ultimate driving machines. tried an E36 once, great car! then, an E46, got a ticket. it was absolutely fantastic. (drooling..).

on a tuesday

o love
won't ever let me down
won't ever give me up

if it's love, why am i so sad?
without love, will i be afraid?

when she's long gone, i'm alone
alone but not lonely

for all the twists and turns
just let me crash and burn
in love

family first. no second thought.

me and mom were talking vividly about our hari raya trip to perak when we heard screams from two doors away. when we realised that it was our indian neighbour, we continued with the topic of freshwater fish and some eatable green plants from the jungle. not that we were being ignorant or a bad neighbour, it was just not the first time.

so the jungle is within spitting distance from my sister's backyard. boil some water, throw some weird looking plants, eat it with a pinch of sambal. 1000 times better than medium-well steak from TGI. err, maybe just 100 times.

mom don't really like fish. me, i'd prefer that barely-showered-and-bearded creature. however, the freshwater fish served for lunch that day was exceptional. i can't remember the name though we were made to understand that the fish is only seasonally-available and the only place to find it is sg perak. price? myr30 per kilo. no salt, no oil, no seasoning. straight to the grill. taste? 4 stars from a non-freshwater fish eater.

the whole 3 days was fantastic. i've never been to a real kampung, let alone having one to call my own, for hari raya. one funny incident, i was watching a kung fu movie when i felt something cold and wet between my toes. reality check, cold and wet are reptiles. that was when i saw a leech (leech, right?) bloated with blood, sucking on my toe. "just let it be. it'll fall by itself once it decided it had enough". had enough? of my blood, dammit!! and i had to wrap my feet with kleenex as it won't stop bleeding till morning. thanks buddy.

mom was so happy to finally be in perak for this hari raya. and all of us were genuinely happy too. i guess all of us made her happy throughout the trip. our own idea of an ideal mother's day.

last but on a leash

emmy awards, september 21st. an award presenter, one british character made fun of steve carrell (evan almighty) for not getting an emmy of his own. mr steve was so embarassed and could not even smile, especially with the lights and camera pointed directly towards him. he even said, "what are you doing? stop it". and when everyone thought the host had crossed some serious lines, he walked off the stage, went to mr steve asking for a stolen emmy. and when mr steve returned the trophy, you'll notice that it was no longer funny although everything was clearly staged. because the man himself haven't got an emmy in his actual career.

i thought i saw something that would make my day. channel 5 will be airing the hilariously funny, "i survived a japanese game show". seriously, the japs are crazy dude!

back in 2001 or 02, when everything was melodramatic and all us rejects were very much occupied with the finding of a sherpa, we heard dave matthews bands' the space between us and we thought dave was an avid fan of mary jane, just like us.

went to singapore last saturday. final preparation was being made for that nite race. great track i must say. marina bay street circuit. brought along my nephew and niece. and the organiser of some nearby arts show were giving away ice cream and cotton candy for free. and i had to wait for them kids, gulping.

ping-pong thongs

initial incidents in the morning would shape up the way how my day is going to be. as always, but not all the time, music will come to the rescue. i know this might sound cheesy and all like, "can't we all live in peace? we don't need money, just love". just too good to be true. but that's the way it is.

i'm not a morning person. i'll answer your call half-heartedly, if i answer at all. i'll reply with a minimum yet meaningful usage of words, if you send me an sms before 12. there you go, model citizen. and yet i'm in the meeting-people-and-please-them business.

it's the 17th day of Ramadan. i've realised the fact that meetings are inappropriate in this holy month. we should all be given the liberty to decide of how to spend the time.

our so-called sports room is at Level 7. and some of us including myself made our decisions. we decided to play ping-pong.

p/s : narcolepsy struck again last friday. i fell asleep out of nowhere, like a baby for approximately 30 minutes, waking up just to find that the prayer is about to begin.

guess the weather?

it is the 4th day of Ramadan. was a bit busy attending to the preparation of a religious programme at our mosque. and people would invite me to that event when actually i'm the one who's ensuring everything was ready and perfect for the past two weeks.

they say during the first 3 or 4 days of Ramadan, you will experience something around the region of your head and lower abdomen. lower abdomen - hungry, of course and the lack of interest in doing no2. head - you'll lose your temper easily. that's the challenge though.

first two weeks, your body is adjusting, adapting to the change. typical indications- bad breath, whitey tongue, fatigueness.

final two weeks - cleaner tongue, fresher breath, rejuvenated as your glucose level is back on track. you are reborn, with a cleaner stomach and mightier faith.

the best detoxification session ever. and this year, i'm helping the amil (authorised person to collect the zakat). i have to finish 200 pages of the book. it's myr6.50 per person this year. anyone?

pleasures all mine

i have always envied those who can really express their feelings, views and thoughts. either via words, arts or music, which i discovered being the best form of expression ever. i have always wanted to write my own scripts, my own music and movie. i want to be articulate. like alanis, mr vedder and many more. i want to be smart and prolific, not appear to be one.

and now i found out that i'm trying to sing journey's open arms every friday night.

a girl i once dated re-emerged from the shadows of my happiness. she was devastated by the previous relationship. my answer, when asked, was that i'm getting married soon. as anyone else would, she congratulated me. and we went on exchanging sms until this afternoon. until she got bored (or tired of being pretentious), she stopped replying.

"well, we were not meant for each other perhaps.."...

i'll walk a mile for my camels

to kill time, there are times when i read other people's blog. many topics or subjects or bluntly-written day-to-day diary. sometimes amusing, sometimes annoying. sometimes i think some of us need some help. sometimes i think i need it more than anyone else. sometimes i just listen to REM's everybody hurts.

a friend wrote about his emptiness. blaming his career for the amount of prozac and valium and all that mind-altering chemicals consumed. is it true that being a writer, you will have to let yourself wandering around in some imaginary worlds? so that you could produce out-of-this-world results. so that you will receive a big round of applause for your masterpiece but internally you are battling with the demon who just wouldn't go away.

everybody hurts.

palma non sine pulvere

course paper, examination, interview and presentation. due date : august 6th 2008. i have been dedicating many hours recently in producing my perfect version of "tenant mix and its critical success factors". the subject might appear easy but since the industry itself couldn't find any explanation academically, i'm having a hard time coming up with my own.

i remembered having a discussion with two consultants from the land down under two years ago. they came, presented a paper and left us all in the boardroom that afternoon in awe. as for myself, i couldn't help but think that for the past 30 minutes all they ever taught was simply nothing. can you ask someone from a different country to teach you of how to wear a sarong when they have only been in contact with the sarong a mere two years ago, and yet you are going to pay them my-one-year salary?

they mentioned about our shopping behavior, impulsive vs planned, catchment area and all that textbook shit.

quaecumque vera

drunk chipmunks

The human species now has drinking partners.

German scientists have discovered that seven species of small mammals in the rain forests of western Malaysia drink fermented palm nectar on a regular basis. For several of the species, including the pen-tailed tree shrew, the nectar, which can have an alcohol content approaching that of beer, is the major food source — meaning they are chronic drinkers.

Frank Wiens and Annette Zitzmann of the University of Bayreuth were separately studying two of the species, including their eating habits. They discovered that the nectar of the bertam palm becomes fermented by yeast carried on the flower buds.

The pen-tailed tree shrew, in particular, takes advantage of it. By watching the animal and analyzing fur samples, the researchers estimated that the tree shrews consumed enough alcohol that they had about a 36 percent chance of being intoxicated (by human standards). But the researchers never saw any signs of inebriation, and from an evolutionary standpoint, it makes no sense to be drunk anyway. With predators all around, Dr. Wiens said, “it’s just too risky for an animal.”

The findings, reported in The Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, suggest that the tree shrews and other animals have some efficient means of metabolizing the alcohol. The findings also suggest there must be benefits to having chronic low levels of alcohol in the bloodstream — otherwise the behavior would not have evolved.

Those benefits may be psychological, Dr. Wiens said, perhaps enabling the animals to cope with stress of some sort. Further studies to determine the benefits may help in understanding humans’ relationship to alcohol, he said. And since tree shrews are similar to species that were precursors of primates more than 50 million years ago, studying their alcohol use might also provide some evolutionary background for human drinking, he added.

It's Always Happy Hour For Several Species in Malaysian Rainforest
By HENRY FOUNTAIN

Published: July 29, 2008