show me the way

during my schooldays i used to sing one particular song every single time i felt the loneliness taking over. i just can't recall the singer nor the lyrics except for the "i'm telling you, you're my special angel, show me the way" part...and that is all..
after which, i fell in love with frente's "ordinary angels". looking back to all of my favorite songs, i found a common ground. melancholic. so i'll write anything which might mean something purely melancholic just to accompany the angelic image. a poem if it can be considered one.


lonesome and weary those hearts meant to be
to the shadowy figures thy waited vainly
how i wish i could melt to the sea
for this hope left blinded upon thee

bella luna would she be?
an infinite companion of me
thought of her as if real
sight of her left me still

should i could gather the beauty
of all the things she longed to be
if could get down on bended knees
would you still be here?

don't leave a comment.

speedball kills

"isn't it so strange how far away we all are now?"
"am i the only one who remembers that summer?"
"oooo, i remember..everyday each time the place were saved"
"the music that we made..the wind has carried all of that away"
"long gone day"

1995 (mad season)
Layne Staley...1967-2001

next stop>marriage institution

went to KL to celebrate hari raya. not my favourite place, frankly. contrary to my current job of meeting a lot of new, different people everyday, i hate big cities which doubtlessly full of people.
last night, had a conversation with norahman and maliah, schoolmates. it felt as if planned beforehand. we left school, scattered all over the planet, and sit together again to have that conversation.
talked about our lives and everything that revolved around it. not much of a difference. we hate our jobs. we hate our bosses and we dreamt to become bosses ourselves.

maliah is a journalist. living in KL and yet agreed on our perception regarding the city. it is just sometimes way too hectic for no specific reason. norahman is a lecturer. also better off staying in JB rather than KL just like me. "it is suicidal in a way especially when it comes to driving in KL"....very true man..

time flies. it really does. i said next stop is the marriage institution. why? it's like a train ride. but i ain't gonna sing "stop that train i wanna get off"..don't think i'm ready yet to marry someone else's daughter. i'm lying there.

i can't wait for our next reunion gathering. eager to see how many of us has become fathers and mothers. ahh, who's next?

bob marley used to say "there's always a song for any occasion" and i know 'father and son' by cat stevens is the song for this occasion. damn!

p/s : read the lyrics and you'll definitely get what i'm trying to say.

this life is staged.ask truman!

prolog
in a smoke-filled room.candle-lit and fenced by stargazer lilies, the ambience represents a funeral. much to a friend's amazement, his roommate loses his job when caught red-handed trying to sctratch his boss's brand new 7-series. the protagonist is trying his best to cushion the intensity while the antagonist preserving the unmotivating atmosphere. interestingly contradicting. it goes like this...

"the old folks used to warn me off regarding stuffs that in any possible manner might involve a creature named woman", said the protagonist.

"don't even think of going there man", replied the supporting actor.."the air is not right" "i just got fired six hours ago and don't expect me to cry" "i won't and i won't laugh either...not to your jokes or lame stories of whatever your parents used to say"

"mm, right..and does that make me an insensitive best friend?"..."well, i hope not and you have no idea how much i love you and......my parents", the pro continues.

enters the antagonist..."no doubt that the future leaders of our generation are having their what-are-gonna-do-with-this-world meeting without me" "let alone the fact that you broke our lovely hearts by rejecting the offer!"

"what?" "could you please be a little bit more specific because the last time i checked, we're still talking about (yet-to-be-named-character) and my parents?", protagonist enquires.

supporting actor interjects..."maybe it'll be much easier to put the blame on the institution" "i mean, suffice to say, a majority of us hates school until we leave them and then misses them"
by saying so, he puts the previous conversation back in place and the interference by the antagonist on hold.

"true enough but i can't see the point" "it doesn't make any sense at all"
"pardon the absence of sensibility in my upcoming opinion but you can blame it on your childhood upbringing, i must say", the protagonist replies. "i've read somewhere about shaping up a child and nonsense subject , like the arguably subjective psychosocial development thingy".

"yeah, whatever" "i have a friend who looks just like you and i'm certain that you both are very much alike. now bring him back, would ya?", the supporting actor reacted with sarcasm.

my very own first attempt on scriptwriting.
that's how i'm gonna start my own so-called indie movie. i have no formal guideline or direction of where to start from. at least the ball has started to roll with this entry. now leave your comments. i can sense a lot of constructive ones....haha....

virtually real

now that i have an interesting channel to emit the negative agents out of my mind, i know i don't have to be or can't be holding that cobainesque aura on my shoulder no more. at least i'm finding it interesting. to a person who's been spending one-third of his life not having a real interest in anything except for music, it is a good sign. a good and positive development.

i hate the fact that i'm working for people and not for the "people". my nightmare has come to life which was to make the rich getting richer. so filthy rich that the responsibility and the beauty of brotherhood has become a mere PR-speak rather than to put it into practice.
what have i done and what can i actually do or contribute?, some might ask.

as for me, i'm calling it a day. soon. very soon.
remember that movie "pay it forward"?...that's not what i have in mind.....haha...

thou shalt not whine

i'm tired.exhausted seems to sugarcoat the actual tiredness i'm experiencing by making it sound like a word out of an engineering hardcover.thus, i'm not using it to describe what i'm feeling now so that you will get to visualize or try to walk in my shoes in order to comprehend the meaning.
so bored that i went to my heritage.com to do celebrity look-alike collage, (which by far i'm certain only visited by either girls or losers)..
residents in the faculties of my mind has been pampered with weeks of relaxing and transmitting unprecedented amount of what-a-waste brainwaves.
a rather compelling episode of one of those going-nowheres.i can only endure till end of this year and i suppose, the wall collapses the very following day after.

"my boredom has outshined the sun and i just want to have some little fun", sang corgan.

it's ringing in my ear.

read>prerequisite>full participation>modern society

amidst the growing fascination over the abundance of unintellectual reading materials, i ponder at the direction of our future generation is heading to.weird, lame titles with bizarre and unusual images which is unlikely to be published at all due to its explicit, pornographic and some are just provocative content.
tempted by the sex-induced posture of female artistes, deliberately taken by the poolside and articles about paranormal activities are amongst the weekly highlights.
also, gossips and mere assumptions are spreaded unethically.

this unhealthy development is nothing new.don't tell me these materials does not encourage the reader to imitate whatever being shown or portrayed, especially when read by the under-aged.it ain't no secret the publisher purposely include articles with mechanism to fantasize about sex.
are we nurturing future rapist here?
is it our national agenda?

not just a wake-up call, this is a cry for help!
don't you think those materials has left those reading "reader's digest" looking nerdy and not cool?

dead ringer.no.it is not right.

weakened by the haze

forest fire in indonesia is an annual event. and they haven't figured out the slightest idea of how to put it out.

it pouring cats and dogs day before yesterday.a blessing it is.(sigh)

refuse to grow up?

how many of us still dig material from the 90's passionately, here in 2006?
still consistently reading surviving articles, journals, excerpts, album sleeve, quotes, lyrics, notes from that mighty era? still listening to your schooldays' "anthems"...teenage angst come to life, purposely...i think it is good and bad to do such a thing.is it true that i'm refusing to grow up in that sense?
my musical preference hasn't changed a bit? consciously i'm aware of my self-inflicted act of rejecting "new-wave" stuffs...pity them talentless souls...but i still try to understand the very reason they came up with the term "post-grunge", where everyone tries so hard, obviously, to sound like cobain and vedder..
the legacy is undisputed, don't even think about it...get your own copy!!
i guess i just found a reasoning for my not wanting to really listen to newer stuffs.
lack of originality.

hmmm...

How Much Is My Blog Worth?

My blog is worth $564.54.
How much is your blog worth?

what a shame....hehe...

speed demon.....not!

bmw art cars
september 15th until october 22nd, galeri petronas, klcc.
featuring works by ken done, roy lichtenstein, frank stella, andy warhol and many others.

october monday morning

*sigh*
after nine days of doing nothing (strictly no work-related-phone calls), i'm feeling quite ok...i suppose it should've been better than just "quite ok" but hey, it's fasting month man....pardon the att.
i haven't been reading for years.no specific preference for genres or authors.i'd love to read "heavier than heaven" though, sort of autobio of mr cobain.
mm, wait until i could get ahold of it.
got a book at a "nice price" section of a bookstore.50% man.gross!
had i read that "wuthering heights", i would've marvelled best at this book i bought, i'm sure. it says "heathcliff, the return to wuthering heights". later to my discovery, mr heathcliff is the infamous protagonist in the collection. a rather intriguing tale of a stableboy turns gentleman, a love affair encircling castes and royalties and plenty other distinctive characters.

still reading as i dig narrative, sometimes figurative (personification)paragraphs. "lord of the flies" educational edition for TESL students is a 'beau ideal' for such approach. but cautioned one must be, it bears an effect of a sleeping pill sometimes..haha...

k, till next time.hasta pronto.