familia outing in temasek

black swan

falling apart, you tell yourself you are.

and when you thought you are matured enough
that you can cushion every pressure
that you won't lose yourself
that you can swallow it down

all of a sudden, you just don't know
you just don't care
you just couldn't be bothered
you just changed into someone you are afraid of

you are now the monster
the monster you were once thought of killing
the monster so fucked up it couldn't last any longer than a night

the thick black fog enveloped the angelic feathers of the swan.
the once white bird.
hence, a black swan.

it is wrong to think that you are always right. and it is ok to stay on the left for a while.

johor bahru #2

home is where the heart is

studio apartment

there's a place in tampoi indah quoting below myr200k for a townhouse. i've been searching around for a landed house for quite some time. found a single-storey terrace last year at a very, very cheap price. however, location-wise the place will need at least 7-8 years to be fully developed which will logically have a substantial effect on the future selling price. the only thing good about the house is, you can build another house of the same size next to it.

recently, a friend told me about the townhouse. the value was somewhere myr400k when it first launched and the singaporean owner is now letting it go at half price.

so i'll go check it out tomorrow. then, i'll decide. then, i'll feel responsible again. financially.

bensonandhedges

the time will come.

cause you just might get it all

i couldn't agree more with the designer about the writings of our friend up north. there is no and in fact, will never be an absolute freedom in this world.

hence, be careful in sharing your thoughts and opinions. i/we do not promote a rally on the grounds of preserving our freedom of speech. i'd rather learn to deal and live with the non-existence of it. during my years in SA, we had a debate on the issues pertaining to the Freedom Of The Press.

Case Study #1
A journalist should let the people know the truth as it is their responsibility. What if the truth is ugly, at it has always been? What if the truth makes the people who reads it become ugly?
Should the journalist still have the news made public?

Case Study #2
News Blackout. Do we use it appropriately? or appropriately?

Doing the right thing means doing it the right way (using the right channel), at the right time. my opinion is,"if you can't beat them, just join them. at your terms if you can. if not, just leave them".

after all, "what is popular is not always right and what is right is not always popular".

guerrilla radio! turn that shit up!

everywhere i go, coffee shops, toilets, complexes people are talking about the election. people are increasingly becoming a k-society in respect of the political climate of our nation ever since. i was not surprised with the current development but rather stunned with the election's outcome. although frankly i was hoping for a change, thus anticipated a number of seats to be grabbed by the leftists. but not 4 states.

and i thought i heard someone said something about a conspiracy theory in the pearl island. also, that all 3 of us should share the cake instead of fighting for a piece of it. it's very, very crucial, they said. i just thought, why cry over spilled milk?

and hopefully, there will be no riots or any form of public outcry.

there's one prominent lady figure from Turkey said this, "if they hate the leaders, it's our internal problem and we will deal with it. but if you attack this country, they will surely unite as one. they will be fighting against you as a team, a uniformed unit".

good and bad

the outcome is good and bad.

an accidental patriot

after work, i went to pizza hut as planned. we're supposed to discuss with the area manager of their intention to hold a major coloring contest in our atrium. one topic to another, or since there was nothing more appealing than tomorrow's election, we landed on top of the political mountain.
i can't remember when was the last time i ever had to justify my not going to vote this saturday. the manager was asking the very same question. question i have heard like zillion times. question i have been wanting to avoid. question that will only make me feel that i'm doing the right thing.

so i said many things about the current quality of life. i asked her if she could stop by the KFC and buy something for the family on her way home. she said, "yes, sure". and if she could do it effortlessly. and the answer was "yes" again. so i went, "do you know that there are breadwinners out there left with no other choice than to save for three months just to bring their kids to enjoy the KFCWTF, because they have been promised?". and because getting to dine in KFCWTF means a lot to them. a real big deal. and i said that i couldn't bear the sight of a family of three riding a bike in the rain. with the wife holding the baby.

in those remote places, villages, squatters, families shared a blanket under the tin roof. studying with the help of poisonous candles. fighting and crying over fried fish or cold chicken from yesterday's lunch.

and they say, this is a rich country. this is the nation you should be proud of. this is the country you can live in harmony. agreed. now, go help the people.

only read the papers after march 8

i was once asked to hold a discussion with someone from the industry. my boss had earlier, emailed a detailed proposal to me, with hope that i'd vet it through and revert with something to materialise from it. i didn't. she said, this guy is blind. my reaction was normal. i mean, how would you react to that?

so i went to meet him at a restaurant in our centre. the guy was wearing a sunglass, accompanied by a loyal friend. we shook hands and i apologised for being late. (shut up). actually, that friend kinda helped him to get our hands together. the guy then proceeded to elaborate the objective of that day's meeting...bla, bla, bla,....his friend was a bit quiet though.

you see, the social manner is, you should look a person in the eye section whilst he/she is doing the talking. not nose. not ears, not lips but eyes. so i just acted naturally and looked him right at the spot. and this guy, (i wonder if he can actually see from behind the glasses), he suddenly said to me, "i'm blind, you know". now that's the part that i did not know how to react. calmly and naturally. so i went, "yeah, ok". man, i felt bad. he didn't have to tell me about it.

and i'm meeting him again at 10.

p/s : a message to mr khai, "kita sudah berada di landasan yang betul". is that right?

teesherrt

my new t-shirt says, edison chen is my hero. period.

they say...

they say, if you love someone, set them free.
can you actually, willingly, possibly do that?

they say, no point of having someone around when he/she is not happy.
but, it is better to know that he/she is happy with someone else.
will you be happy then?

they say, move on. go on and find yourself a new set of happy memories.
will it ever be the same?

forget what they say. it's your life and your call. live and do it.

with or without you

i can't live with or without you.

contraband nation in electioneering

is there any other news than the upcoming election?

a) someone is getting a new tractor.
b) someone is helping someone at the wet market, in tailored suits.
c) someone is giving everyone something. for free. not really free actually.
d) something just need to be given away at least one month prior to the election date.
one week is ideal.

i'm not reading any papers.

can that someone do something about imitation cigarettes instead?. i had rather severe headaches after consuming a packet.

pre-election Q&A session.
A> mr minister, can we have cigarettes for free?
B> no, it's bad for your health.
A> why sell if it's bad?
B> well, it has a significant contribution to the tax which will be converted into developing our beloved nation. you know, schools and stuffs.
A> so, is this nation idealistic?. can we compromise health for something like "schools and stuffs", of which you can't be certain? we're still paying for books and stuffs, you know.
B> next question please.

just my thought. vote for me. i'll get you free cigarettes.

Who Moved My Cheese? B**ch!

this pic was taken last year during a course at our HQ. it was ok. i'm the youngest, that was why.

left, from HQ. me. someone from our sister company.

a session with one makcik. do i look like i'm enjoying it? ..hmm...

alone but not lonely

it was like watching felicity with a scene where a lonely, hungry busker stood on a pavement and started playing sullivan street by counting crows. and he was smiling. and it was all just kind of melodramatic. it was getting dark. and as the moon rises, he stopped playing. he just stared. he was stunned to see the beauty of this world. the moon. as if enjoying his first sensation of seeing the moon. he was still smiling when he discovered that he was no longer hungry. the hunger just disappeared into the darkness. he walked back to the same spot. the spot was something like a makeshift shelter. then he went on to sing black by pearl jam.

i was just imagining things. i was trying to fly back to the nineties. the unexplainable serenity. i feel like spending a night watching reality bites over and over again. i feel like being a part of the empire records.

and i know, i'll still feel that there was an imaginary connection while reading the article about the night river phoenix overdosed at johnny depp's viper room.

i still have those kerrang and other 90's mags. and one mag dated june 1994 (if i'm not mistaken). merely three months after kurt cobain's death.

refuse.

the game had just begun

in my line of business, we know each and everyone of our competitors by name. the circle is considerably small. we had after-five-conversations regularly. we came with a practised smile and we've learned our lessons in disclosing sensitive datas. no matter how close you are to the person sitting next to you, he or she still going to be your competitors.

a friend from a neighboring centre calls me from time to time. he is now under constant scrutiny by his superior as a result of losing good promotional activities to us, as well as to other "friends's" centres.

we are getting it. i mean, my company formed a task force and having your asses being monitored on a weekly basis is not a cool thing. but i guess, it is the thing to do. now, all three centres are slowly being catapulted back into the limelight in terms of weekly activities.

but, god knows how much i need a break.

i alone

My Burning Heart

My heart is burning with love

All can see this flame

My heart is pulsing with passion

like waves on an ocean

my friends have become strangers

and I’m surrounded by enemies

But I’m free as the wind
no longer hurt by those who reproach me

I’m at home wherever I am

And in the room of lovers

I can see with closed eyes
the beauty that dances

Behind the veils
intoxicated with love
I too dance the rhythm
of this moving world

I have lost my senses
in my world of lovers

Love Is The Cure

"Love is the cure,
for your pain will keep giving birth to more pain
until your eyes constantly exhale love
as effortlessly as your body yields its scent.”

all poems by Jallaludin Rumi.

angie's wedding reception

L-R>>>man and sam and zan.

L-R>>>fiza the pengapit, onn (nadia wanted to be part of this, again).

L-R>>>rashidah and her friend (yummy).

L-R>>>noni, rini, the ghost of tom joad, a friend.

L-R>>>sam, onn, onn's husband

L-R>>>jas, apek and his descendent.

L-R>>>mrs jamil and mr jamil.

L-R>>>Baharuddin Achmad aka apek, wife and Apek The II

L-R>>>i only recognized a familiar face. that's arin in white batik. and the rest, mm..friends.

L-R>>>a friend (she's...mm..blue), dila, dila's friend (i think)

L-R>>>watie's husband, watie herself, the coke-filled glass

L-R>>>maliah, nana, a friend, nadia and che pah (again).

L-R>>>noni, rini (she's..err...nothing), sam, a junior, onn.

L-R>>>azza, azza's hubby, a junior from school, tora (what's his real name?)

L-R>>>sam (he's the law), aza (mrs sam)

L-R >>aida (mrs man), man, zan

now it is time for...err...dine?

please welcome...

easy...easy...

the arrival.

mr halim, imported from best 104fm with a relative of angie.

che pah with nadia. camera-happy, as always.

and we're gathered here tonight to witness...

walk down memory lane

sister hazel, spin doctors, vervepipe, counting crows, hootie and the blowfish, blur, sonic youth, third eye blind, oasis, goo goo dolls, tonic, weezer, marcy playground, del amitri, gin blossoms, live, better than ezra, smashing pumpkins, pearl jam, bush, silverchair, blind melon, soundgarden, alice in chains, everclear, soul asylum, mad season, red hot chilli peppers, stone temple pilots, incubus, foo fighters, green day, U2, presidents of the usa, korn, nirvana, rage against the machine, collective soul, suede, cake, edwin mccain, alanis morrissette, aerosmith, REM, the wallflowers, the cranberries, frente, the cardigans, mono, duran duran, portishead, screaming trees, the lemonheads, beck, mudhoney, supergrass, love battery, mother love bone, temple of the dog, green river, semisonic, ugly kid joe, jane's addiction, why, are, you, reading, this?

we don't need no education.

i am so sick!

one year ago, they were suspended for two weeks after the authority discovered that the factory didn't meet the expectations in respect of hygiene and cleanliness. and two weeks that was all.

no follow-ups whatsoever. then, a few days ago, it was asked to cease operation for another two weeks. but this time the factory managed to be even more filthier than your maggot-infested rubbish chamber. still, two weeks only.

attached to the report is the reference from Section 13B, Food Act 1983 which offers fine of a mere RM 50, 000.00 (does not exceed) and maximum 8 years in the pen.

people were consuming without any doubt previously. since almost everything now is very convincing with all that packaging and stuff, should we bother to have the tiniest doubt? and now, you can hear various types of stories.

i can only sigh. whilst you're enjoying that fish balls, don't be surprised to know that you're actually eating the hairy testicles of a weird creature from kathmandu.

walls and bridges

i haven't got the slightest idea of how does our judicial system work previously and presently. in fact i do not have the slightest interest also. only, i stumbled upon an article in wikipedia about an incident somewhere back in 1988. it says, 1988 malaysian constitutional crisis. well, if you're reading this blog to ensure that it does not inflict any leftist element, you can exhale. i'm just sharing what i've read. all i can say, that was a dramatic period leading UMNO to be disbanded and the formation of a party in the spirit of the year UMNO was born, 1946.

and another interesting story of late is the admission of one datin due to a cosmetic surgery gone bad. she is now in a coma, on a life support as the heart rate keeps fluctuating. what a world. we have our own hollywood community. cher shouldn't be feeling so bad about whatever she did to her body. she's not alone.

met my longtime buddies, jimmy and nuar. classmates back in SA circa 1998. they were doing some footage-shooting here in jb. i can't help not to reminisce the good old days, in the arms of JD, girls and Dr Greenthumb. those were the days. i've had my share and i'm relieved.

you're the company that you keep

a definite maybe translates insecurity. insecurity will eventually fade your self-confidence. losing your confidence means withdrawing from the crowd. and being reserved is to approach the magnetic depression. depression holds a possibility of committing suicide. committing suicide, outside from japan, equals to being a loser. and to sum it up, it is not worth any bit of it.

i'm not a spiritual guru of any kind. i just thought that these behaviors are normal. not that committing suicide part, mind you. i mean, that sensation from happiness or even sadness is a normal body reaction. an approval or rejection however solely depends on the childhood upbringing, and the rest is genetics.

me myself, still thought that we need more love. i honestly and obviously need that. we can't act merely from listening to songs about getting together, not being alone or whatever shit that pop commercials been feeding us with.

love yourself, love your parents, love your family and friends and their families. like that "pay it forward" concept. then i'm sure all of us will be blessed with the love of God.

the fourth thursday

i was posting an entry this morning when we experienced a sudden, short-lived power search. with a big sigh, i went next door looking for a new tie. what an excuse. guess i'm a bit sleepy. i bought a rainbow-colored tie.

cloverfield is an OK movie. it was, what's the word dave? nauseating, i think. handheld camera shots for like half an hour, rest a bit and another half an hour. it's like watching freak of nature on a fishing boat. elizabeth mcintyre played by miss odette yustman is sweeeeettah!

i'd prefer sex than watching a regular football game(exception for world cup and euro). jas, i'm sure you're with me man.

talk shows on mute

i remembered watching an episode of ellen the other day. she wasn't with anne heche. she was talking to the audience about her having her own talk show. oprah did it first, then martha, then tyra, then everyone including herself. are we watching talk shows on a daily basis? is it a cool thing or shall we wait for the performing artiste of the day then switch to something else? i don't know. i just watch when there isn't anything else on tv.

ellen said that the show is there simply because people are listening, willingly. do you know that there are crews holding a "LAUGH NOW" and "CLAP NOW" cue signs at some point of the show so that it'll appear lively and vibrant and all that shit. and she's saying "because people are listening".

so i figured that i could write a book. a book about my daily routine or maybe about "how to write a book" stuffs. the content however will not revolve around A-Z steps to write a book but simply, the process of writing the book.

i shall start with something like, "today, just like any other day. i recalled the same shit, different day quote from one alien movie. so the day seems right. i now have the basic idea for my epilogue and i should jot it down because i'm a forgetful being. kate knows that..."

then i'll divert the reading towards the life of kate, an imaginary character. that should take up 20% of the book. can you imagine reading something like that?

the same goes to all those talk shows. such a waste of time.

look. don't see.

a decent melody that i've been humming around the whole day wasn't likely to make it to the rick dees weekly top 40 but i'm kinda feeling good today. not really happy, just good. i feel like a healthy person with a healthy loving wife waiting at home, to copulate so that both of us will have a healthier life.

i saw many things lately. the world is getting sicker day by day, little by little. though i'm one of those "f**k it, i don't care" persons, it seems like the farther you think you're running away from it, the closer you're getting to it. so close you can smell the filthiness under the sugarcoated breaths. and you ended up having the shit smacked right in your face. them people should smoke some weed occasionally i think.

fell on black days by soundgarden still serve as my perfect reminder. i can get myself to think that it always isn't so bad and rationalising my evil mind, though devilish, i'm just a human being. i just need more education, on the disadvantages of pre-marital sex.

friends don't let friends

is this the one?

wira replacement model (wrm). quite ok. a baby saloon like toyota vios and it'll cost not more than 40k. i hope that "looks can be deceiving" does not apply here.

Bill-paying 101

i took a day off to settle all past due bills and summons. you read it right, summons! big hole in my pocket for that. and as i was so determined to get things done that day, i glanced at my wristwatch to find that i'll be racing against time. it's already 4.10pm and i have another one to go. knowing that having a friend behind that counter might come in handy, i started walking to the bank.

4.18pm. at the bank.
obviously, the door was closed with some snoop-dogg-chains wrapped around the handle. i saw this friend of mine and dialled. bugger was so occupied and left the phone ringing. so i started waving like a monkey in a zoo asking the audience for more bananas. a guy seated next to the entrance said, "go home. it's closed already la". i said,"screw you". he didn't notice. no, i didn't say that. so, a friend of this friend of mine pointed to the security door on the far right of the bank. i know cause i'm a frequent user of that door. and i walked to that door to find it unlocked.

4.25pm. the incident.
was it three steps? i can't recall because not long after entering that door, a guy or the GUARD himself was flabbergasted to see me walking like nobody's business inside the bank. at 4.26pm.

he yelled at me with a capital S. "Stop!". "Where do you think you're going?". me, in a joey from friends-like behavior said, "i'm here to meet J**I*". "wait, i'll ask him first". my friend was like "yeah, he's a friend". i smiled and continued approaching the counter. once finished, he said, "he has authorisation to shoot you""don't do that again". i said, "yeah, ok" (my "whatever" is a near-whisper).

i whistled. apologised to that guy. he didn't smile. i'm sure he'll die early.

mission accomplished.

twothousandeight

i was having dinner with mom when someone texted me with that question. resolution question. boring. nonchalantly i replied, i'm not interested in living in an army-like landscape. and because she said that it's good with something to do with discipline and some counselling bollocks, i told her that i just don't plan my life. that was the end of that sms-ing session.

i remembered wanting to improve my fitness and gain more pounds last year. that was simply because everyone else is like telling everyone else about his/her resolution and me being part of the socially-acceptable crowd just trying to be a good sport. me, i can't have a resolution because it wouldn't do me any good. i need a far greater force than just a resolution to motivate my lazy ass.

and today is the first day of the year. the year of the rat. i just think that i'll be needing more money, some injection of seriousness in my work, good food, new clothes and some other tiny little things. that's not a resolution because it's something that people do everyday. is that right?

is resolution something big, significant, new and good in nature?
and it only qualifies if you share it on new year's eve?

whatever. the new proton is niceeee!!

i'm feeling green today.

Good Riddance (Time Of Your Life)

Another turning point
A fork stuck in the road
Time grabs you by the wrist
Directs you where to go
So make the best of this test
And don't ask why
It's not a question
But a lesson learned in time
It's something unpredictable
But in the end is right
I hope you had the time of your life

So take the photographs
And still frames in your mind
Hang it on a shelf of
Good health and good time
Tattoos of memories
And dead skin on trial
For what it's worth
It was worth all the while
It's something unpredictable
But in the end is right
I hope you had the time of your life